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Do you think this is positive or negative situation?

Do you think this is positive or negative situation? xDYp1
In developed countries people often like to have their own house rather than renting. In minor countries, having Home is more important and therefore renting it. I firmly believe that it is a positive situation for the country. Some countries ensure that there citizen lifestyle has to be modern. By having there own house, rather then relating on someone’s property. For example uae provides free will last today citizens after the age of 18 or above. Buy this strategy an individual will be responsible. On the other hand, Joni families will be unable to live in an apartment because of less availability of space. Nowadays most of the families have their accommodation at one place. In conclusion, it’s more effective to own a house rather than renting it. Our own give different satisfaction to a person
In developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
like to have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
rather
than renting. In minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, having Home is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and
therefore
renting it. I
firmly
believe that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
situation for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
ensure that there citizen lifestyle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be modern. By having there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
rather
Did you mean "than"? 'than' is used for comparisons, 'then' is an expression of time.
then
relating on someone’s property.
For example
Possible spelling mistake found.
uae
provides free will last
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
citizens after the age of 18 or above.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Buy
this strategy an individual will be responsible.
On the other hand
, Joni families will be unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in an apartment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of less availability of space. Nowadays most of the families have their accommodation at one place.
In conclusion
, it’s more effective to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
rather
than renting it. Our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
satisfaction to a
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
person
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IELTS essay Do you think this is positive or negative situation?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
135 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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