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Do you think that place where the person grew has an influence on his accomplishments? Explain with example.

Do you think that place where the person grew has an influence on his accomplishments? Explain with example. VBP8m
Indeed every person in the modern world will get influenced from the environment and the community were they grown up. In my opinion, influences such as political or economical can be a factor. In this essay I will analyse how the said reasons can influence a person. Today, we are living in a competitive environment. Every country is trying to come up with different business ideas to improve their economy. This create situations where the citizens are responsible to come up with own business or employeement to gain market or to improve the business for their employeer. This makes a person more competitive, and will gradually accomblish more on what they do. Similarly, economical situation in a country also influences a person's life. For example, countries like Somalia and Ethiopia has not have enough food resources to feed their people with five meals a day. Hence the people in those countries need to survive with lesser food choices. They even can survive without food; for a day or more when comparing to the people from a prosperous country. Summing up, every person has a story on how they grew up surviving different situations. It may be a polical or an economical background that made the person to accomplish more.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Indeed
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in the modern world will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced from the environment and the community were they grown up. In my opinion, influences such as political or economical can be a factor. In this essay I will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
how the said reasons can influence a person.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, we are living in a competitive environment. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their economy.
The verb 'create' is plural. Did you mean: "This creates"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This create
situations where the citizens are responsible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business or
Possible spelling mistake found.
employeement
to gain market or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the business for their
Possible spelling mistake found.
employeer
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
more competitive, and will
gradually
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomblish
more on what they do.

Similarly
,
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
situation in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
also
influences a person's life.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Somalia and Ethiopia has not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
food resources to feed their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with five meals a day.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
need to survive with lesser food choices. They even can survive without food; for a day or more when comparing to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from a prosperous country.

Summing up, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has a story on how they grew up surviving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations. It may be a
Possible spelling mistake found.
polical
or an economical background that made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to accomplish more.
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IELTS essay Do you think that place where the person grew has an influence on his accomplishments? Explain with example.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
209 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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