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Do you think that people have more or less time for leisure now than in the past?

Do you think that people have more or less time for leisure now than in the past? qL9lr
According to my way of thinking, I believe that people have more time for leisure now than in the past. First, people have the technology to help them out with work. In the past, for doing work, people needed to travel from home to the workplace to complete their tasks, and for doing each task, they spent a lot of time completing it. Moreover, they have to work a full day and almost every day in a week. That’s why the time for them to spend on leisure activities is less or sometimes they don't have free time at all. However, since the world is getting developed, technology can help them out like they can work virtually at their home so that they don't have to waste time traveling. For example, besides doing company’s work, there is also some housework for people to do, however, there are some cleaning and washing machines to help them, and people can spend their time on leisure activities. Second, schools, workplaces reduce working or studying time for employees and students to enjoy their free days. At this point, I notice that students and workers don't have to work hard all day because they have weekends to enjoy their leisure activities. It is better than in the past, they have to work and study every day except holidays. And it is the reason why they don't have time to do their favorite activities in their free time. For example, the reduction of work and study time helps students and workers a lot with their mood as well as their spare time. To sum up, people can enjoy their time off now more than in the past.
According to my way of thinking, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
than in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
First
,
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people
have the technology to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them out with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, for doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
needed to travel from home to the workplace to complete their tasks, and for doing each task, they spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
completing it.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
a full day and almost every day in a week. That’s why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for them to spend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is less or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
don't
have free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at all.
However
, since the world is getting developed, technology can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them out like they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
virtually
at their home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
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don't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
waste
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time
traveling.
For example
,
besides
doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
’s
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work
, there is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
housework for
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people
to do,
however
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cleaning and washing machines to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Second, schools, workplaces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
working or studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for employees and students to enjoy their free days. At this point, I notice that students and workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
don't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
all day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have weekends to enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. It is better than in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and study every day except holidays. And it is the reason why they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
don't
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do their favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
, the reduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
students and workers a lot with their mood
as well
as their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
off
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
more than in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
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IELTS essay Do you think that people have more or less time for leisure now than in the past?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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