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Do you think it is better for students to work before their university study? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice. v.1

Do you think it is better for students to work before their university study? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice. v. 1
Some people say that students should take up employment before joining a university to continue further study. I would completely agree with this opinion as the practical experience gained will help students to perform better in their academics and moreover, will give them financial freedom. This essay will explain this in detail. First of all, students who work in the area of the specialized course which they intend to study at a university, will greatly help them in understanding the concepts faster and will score better when compared to the students without job experience. They can correlate the academic lessons with the hands-on knowledge they gained during their employment. This is quite evident when we examine the report, published by University of Michigan that the students who have prior work experience, scored better in their academics when compared to those who doesn’t have job experience. Secondly, there are monetary benefits. Working in a firm will give the students the financial freedom and some students can even be able to pay their tuition fees with the money they saved during their employment. This gives them a sense of responsibility and will make them feel proud of being independent. While interviewing a professor at Cambridge University, he mentioned that students who pay their tuition fee with their hard earned money, would often feel responsible and work hard to achieve good grades in their exams. In summary, taking up an employment in their relevant field of study will help students, who wish to study at a university. This will also make them financially independent. In the future, more students are likely to take up an employment before starting their education at a university.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should take up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
joining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to continue
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. I would completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion as the practical experience gained will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to perform better in their academics and
moreover
, will give them financial freedom. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this in detail.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work in the area of the specialized course which they intend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, will
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in understanding the concepts faster and will score better when compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
without job experience. They can correlate the academic lessons with the hands-on knowledge they gained during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
. This is quite evident when we examine the report, published by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of Michigan that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have prior work experience, scored better in their academics when compared to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
doesn’t have job experience.

Secondly
, there are monetary benefits. Working in a firm will give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
the financial freedom and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can even be able to pay their tuition fees with the money they saved during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
. This gives them a sense of responsibility and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel proud of being independent. While interviewing a professor at Cambridge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
, he mentioned that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
pay their tuition fee with their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hard earned
money, would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel responsible and work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades in their exams.

In summary, taking up an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
in their relevant field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
wish to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. This will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
financially
independent. In the future, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are likely to take up an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting their education at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Do you think it is better for students to work before their university study? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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