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Do you feel it is better for young people leaving school who study further at university or go straight into the workplace? Give your reasons for answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

Do you feel it is better for young people leaving school who study further at university or go straight into the workplace? Give your reasons for answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience r8oKo
Nowadays, with the increase in competition amongst young people, it is essential for students to study further in a college rather than working straight after college. This essay will discuss the benefits of studying post-school with an apt example from my experience. There are various advantages to studying after To start with, a student who has just passed from school may not have the necessary skills required by the big corporates. Secondly, in a university, a student develops technical as well as interpersonal skills which later help them to get a job. Thirdly, job comes with high pressures as targets, which the student might not be able to face and it can lead to depression. Moreover, the first selection criteria for a human resource manager is to select candidates which have either a graduate or a post-graduate degree depending on the job role. Finally, to start working, a kid has to know everything in their field of interest which can only be obtained through professional colleges. For instance, a person who desires to become a fashion designer can only practice the necessary skills through a practical approach. In contrast, the situation might force the child to start working straight after school. One example from my experience is that of my friend who had to work right after secondary education as he wanted to support his family who was facing financial problems. In this case, an individual might offer a helping hand to their families in times of distress and opt out of an official degree. On the other hand, athletes do not require any forms of studies. They can start practising full-time straight after their school which turns out to be advantageous for this sportsperson who can dedicate their entire time on their particular sport. In conclusion, I strongly feel that an individual should complete formal studies before entering the job market as these places can be really harsh and can cause mental damage. I also feel that some children who want to support their family are not left with any option than to start working after high-school. The latter can only change through proper upbringing by their parents and an effort to eliminate the urge of being employed so soon.
Nowadays, with the increase in competition amongst young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, it is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to study
further
in a college
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
straight after college. This essay will discuss the benefits of studying post-school with an apt example from my experience.

There are various advantages to studying after To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
with, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
passed from school may not have the necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
required by the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
Possible spelling mistake found.
corporates
.
Secondly
, in a university, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
develops technical
as well
as interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which later
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with high pressures as targets, which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
might not be able to face and it can lead to depression.
Moreover
, the
first
selection criteria for a human resource manager is to select candidates which have either a graduate or a post-graduate degree depending on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
role.
Finally
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
, a kid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
know everything in their field of interest which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be obtained
through professional colleges.
For instance
, a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
desires to become a fashion designer can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
practice the necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
through a practical approach.

In contrast
, the situation might force the child to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
straight after school. One example from my experience is that of my friend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had to work right after secondary education as he wanted to support his family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was facing financial problems.
In this case
, an individual might offer a helping hand to their families in times of distress and opt out of an official degree.
On the other hand
, athletes do not require any forms of studies. They can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
full-time straight after their school which turns out to be advantageous for this sportsperson
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can dedicate their entire time on their particular sport.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
feel that an individual should complete formal studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market as these places can be
really
harsh and can cause mental damage. I
also
feel that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want to support their family are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with any option than to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
after high-school. The latter can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
through proper upbringing by their parents and an effort to eliminate the urge of
being employed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.
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IELTS essay Do you feel it is better for young people leaving school who study further at university or go straight into the workplace? Give your reasons for answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
371 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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