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Do you agree or dis agree with that Young people enjoy their live more than older peopleuse reasons to support your opinion

Do you agree or dis agree with that Young people enjoy their live more than older peopleuse reasons to support your opinion kYEe8
I don't agree with he statement which is that young people enjoy life more than older people do becuase there a lot of reason for that such as they don't have a lot of responsibility, and they don't work. For me those reason is true. First of all, elder people don't have a lot of responsibility and one of those responsibilities is family and children, because all their children grow up and go away from house so as result of that they have more leisure time for them self. For example my grand mother is now elder and she enjoy life more than I do. My grand mother always go gym and take care of her health comparing to me she enjoy her much more than me. In addition, most of older people don't work, so they have more time for fun than younger people. for instance now I am working in the university as assistant of teacher, every day I have a lot of work to do such as preparing material in the lab or reading many resourses for preparing for my lecture, beside that I am preparing for studing my degree. When I retire from work, I can relax and enjoy my life as I want because now I don't have time either for sitting with my family properly. In conclusion, I think older people enjoy life than younger people because of those reasons I gave. I hope when I became older, I can enjoy my life.
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
Did you mean "the"?
he
statement which is that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
Possible spelling mistake found.
becuase
there a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of reason for that such as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
don't
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of responsibility, and they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. For me those reason is true.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
don't
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of responsibility and one of those responsibilities is family and children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all their children grow up and go away from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as result of that they have more leisure time for them self.
For example
my grand mother is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
elder and
she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "enjoys", "enjoyed".
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more than I do. My grand mother always go gym and take care of her health comparing to me she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "enjoys", "enjoyed".
enjoy
her much more than me.

In addition
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have more time for fun than younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I am working in the university as assistant of teacher, every day I have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to do such as preparing material in the lab or reading
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
resourses
for preparing for my lecture, beside that I am preparing for
Possible spelling mistake found.
studing
my degree. When I retire from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, I can relax and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as I want
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
don't
have time either for sitting with my family
properly
.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
than younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of those reasons I gave. I hope when I became
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
, I can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay Do you agree or dis agree with that Young people enjoy their live more than older peopleuse reasons to support your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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