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Do the advantages derived from the use of chemicals preservatives in food processing the disadvantages?

Do the advantages derived from the use of chemicals preservatives in food processing the disadvantages? JowKa
In the last five decades using chemicals in food processing is increasing due to the scarcity of foods to supply all population through the world, especially in developed countries it is becoming a common condition. All market emporiums are full of all sorts of foods ranging from bread up to citrus fruits. But they are almost all made by artificial ways. Whereas, this means that differing from the ingredients of people’s food receipt changed considerably. In this essay I will compare pros and cons sides of using chemicals and prove why the disadvantages are more dangerous. As I mentioned above people are demanding more and more foods as their living conditions are improving. It can be observed in the daily lives of people. For example, a man earning extra money except his salary do not want to eat just a loaf of bread, two eggs and a cap of tea for his breakfast. He wants additional disserts such as sweets and a cup of coffee. However, common people gratify for a loaf of bread and a cup of tea. Considering these details some businessmen are finding new easy ways of satisfying those highly increasing demands of people spending as less as money to produce. On the other hand the disadvantages of using these artificial ways to increase food producing bring long term affects for future generations. For example, using chemicals in producing is influencing the nutrients of foods negatively. Although meat is consumed more, it is giving less supplementary nutrients to be strong. Rather, the substances aimed to grow the meat fast artificially, affecting organic genes of people. As a result, obesity is also appeared a big problem for human being. Negative effects of chemicals are insurmountable in addition to these facts. In conclusion, using chemicals in food processing is the result of running behind revenue. It should be controlled if the producing process is natural.
In the last five decades using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
processing is increasing due to the scarcity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
to supply all population through the world,
especially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
it is becoming a common condition. All market emporiums are full of all sorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
ranging from bread up to citrus fruits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they are almost all made by artificial ways.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, this means that differing from the ingredients of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
receipt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
considerably
. In this essay I will compare pros and cons sides of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
and prove why the disadvantages are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.

As I mentioned above
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are demanding more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
as their living conditions are improving. It can
be observed
in the daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
earning extra money except his salary do not want to eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a loaf of bread, two eggs and a cap of tea for his breakfast. He wants additional
Possible spelling mistake found.
disserts
such as sweets and a cup of coffee.
However
, common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gratify for a loaf of bread and a cup of tea. Considering these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
businessmen are finding new easy ways of satisfying those
highly
increasing demands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spending as
Did you mean "less", "little"?
less
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
money to produce.

On the other hand
the disadvantages of using these artificial ways to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
producing bring long term affects for future generations.
For example
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
in producing is influencing the nutrients of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
negatively
. Although meat
is consumed
more, it is giving less supplementary nutrients to be strong.
Rather
, the substances aimed to grow the meat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
artificially
, affecting organic genes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
As a result
, obesity is
also
appeared a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem for human being.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Negative
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
are insurmountable
in addition
to these facts.

In conclusion
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
processing is the result of running behind revenue. It should
be controlled
if the producing process is natural.
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IELTS essay Do the advantages derived from the use of chemicals preservatives in food processing the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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