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Discuss the impact of computer games on young minds

Discuss the impact of computer games on young minds kYLBn
Computer games are popular for decades now and many of households have at least one. However, it can be seen that these games causes social, educational and personal problems of several kinds both to youngsters and society. To begin with, computer games have been known for the several adverse effects on the children. Firstly, youngsters spend great deal of time in front of computer and do not get enough time for playing, studying, and socializing. So, the skills needed in order to interact are not being nurtured. Thus, children tend to be anti social in life and it is big loss to society. Moreover, studies show that generation of young are growing less than previous generations due to lack of exercise. Also, they are suffering from many problems like obesity, diabetes and are more prone to diseases owing to unhealthy lifestyle. In addition, animated games not only affect the children physically but psychologically too. It is the fact that most loved and applauded games are violent that include brutal fighting scenes. Such games encourage violence in young minds, like it instills violent language in children. The aggression that develops while playing such games also turns out in the form of crime sometimes. Yet another impact of such games is that children start being to stay busy with their gaming consoles and keep themselves solitary, consequently they lack in interaction and social skills. To conclude, it is easy to imagine the effects of such games on youngsters. So, to make children grow up as well adjusted members of society, these games should be more tightly controlled.
Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are popular for decades
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of households have at least one.
However
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
causes social, educational and personal problems of several kinds both to youngsters and society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
been known
for the several adverse effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, youngsters spend great deal of time in front of computer and do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for playing, studying, and socializing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
needed in order to interact are not
being nurtured
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to be
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
anti social
in life and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
loss to society.
Moreover
, studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that generation of young are growing less than previous generations due to lack of exercise.
Also
, they are suffering from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems like obesity, diabetes and are more prone to diseases owing to unhealthy lifestyle.

In addition
, animated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
physically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
psychologically
too. It is the fact that most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
and applauded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are violent that include brutal fighting scenes. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
encourage violence in young minds, like it instills violent language in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The aggression that develops while playing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
also
turns out in the form of crime
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
.
Yet
another impact of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
being to stay busy with their gaming consoles and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves solitary,
consequently
they lack in interaction and social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

To conclude
, it is easy to imagine the effects of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on youngsters.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow up as
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well adjusted
members of society, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
should be more
tightly
controlled.
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IELTS essay Discuss the impact of computer games on young minds

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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