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Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining pupularity in the contemporary world.

These days a stationary lifestyle has been receiving a great deal of public attention, even though all the necessary facilities available to keep them fit. This essay will first suggest that the biggest problem caused by this phenomenon is the obesity and then submit to promote active lifestyle as the most viable solution. First and foremost, the main problem associated with an inactive lifestyle is obesity. This means that, this type of lifestyle makes people more passive and they gain more weight, for example, people who addicted to such a living routine always prefer to play indoor activities like a chess or video games, rather than playing more outdoor games which require more physical strength. Secondly, many people are indifferent to training at the gym owing to gyms are expensive. Therefore, not all people like to spend their money for gym equipments or trainers. Because they may prefer to utilize their money for buy a car or daily basis. However, there are number of solutions available, in order to attract more people to exercise regularly. The first solution would be that, local communities must promote the healthy lifestyle. In other words, government should demonstrate the awful consequences of such lifestyle and show fit and handsome people who adopted to do regular exercises as a TV show or advertisement. What is more, government should create more gyms and places for exercise and make them cheaper or even free. Thereby, people can afford to participate in exercise clubs. So they begin to include some physical tasks in their daily routine and it may help them to avoid sedentary lifestyle. To conclude, even though, sedentary way of life leads to problems such as gain over weight. However the right promotion of healthy lifestyle and advertising physical activities can help society to solve these problems.
These days a stationary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
has been receiving a great deal of public attention,
even though
all the necessary facilities available to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them fit. This essay will
first
suggest that the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
caused by this phenomenon is the obesity and then submit to promote active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
as the most viable solution.

First
and foremost, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
associated with an inactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is obesity. This means that, this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
passive and
they gain more weight,
for example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who addicted to such a living routine always prefer to play indoor activities like a chess or video games,
rather
than playing more outdoor games which require more physical strength.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are indifferent to training at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
owing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gyms
are expensive.
Therefore
, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to spend their money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
equipments or trainers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they may prefer to utilize their money for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a car or daily basis.

However
, there are
It seems that an article is missing. Did you mean “a number of”?
number of
solutions available, in order to attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
regularly
. The
first
solution would be that, local communities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
promote the healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should demonstrate the awful consequences of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
fit and handsome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who adopted to do regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
as a TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
or advertisement.
What is more
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should create more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gyms
and places for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them cheaper or even free. Thereby,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can afford to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
clubs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical tasks in their daily
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
routine and
it may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to avoid sedentary lifestyle.

To conclude
,
even though
, sedentary way of life leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as gain over weight.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the right promotion of healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and advertising physical activities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
society to solve these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
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IELTS essay Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining pupularity in the contemporary world.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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