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Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining pupularity in the contemporary world.

Currently, there are many sports centers almost in every city, while the majority of people opt for a stationary way of life all over the world. Plumpness is one of the imperative problems that caused by an inactive lifestyle and taking action to interest people in sports activities is the most viable solution to this issue. One of the first difficulties of a sedentary lifestyle is obesity. This disease is not only caused by wrong nourishment but also an inactive way of living might lead to fatness. Due to the fact that large numbers of people now do not want to take part in outdoor activities such as playing football, marketing, and so on. Correspondingly, without taking action and sitting at home surfing the web on the internet would bring about obesity. Another major problem is this type of living might increase the risk of chest pain and heart attack at a younger age. According to the World Health Organization these days, almost half of the patients that were suffering from heart attacks are adolescents. It is important that action is taken to combat these problems. Governments should take action to intrigue individuals who are sitting at home with invite them to join in outdoor activities and advertising fitness clubs via social networking sites and television. Parents also have a part to play. They need to closely monitor the activities of their children and their harmful habits as well. To conclude, sedentary lifestyle might cause different kind of diseases and also impair the youngsters’ health. However with the right action by authority and parents, it can be solved
Currently
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sports centers almost in every city, while the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opt for a stationary way of life all over the world. Plumpness is one of the imperative problems that caused by an inactive lifestyle and taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
to interest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is the most viable solution to this issue.

One of the
first
difficulties of a sedentary lifestyle is obesity. This disease is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
caused by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
nourishment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
an inactive way of living might lead to fatness. Due to the fact that large numbers of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as playing football, marketing, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Correspondingly
, without taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
and sitting at home surfing the web on the internet would bring about obesity. Another major problem is this type of living might increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of chest pain and heart attack at a younger age. According to the World Health Organization these days, almost half of the patients that were suffering from heart attacks are adolescents.

It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
is taken
to combat these problems.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
to intrigue individuals who are sitting at home with invite them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and advertising fitness clubs via social networking sites and television. Parents
also
have a part to play. They need to
closely
monitor the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of their children and their harmful habits
as well
.

To conclude
, sedentary lifestyle might cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of diseases and
also
impair the youngsters’ health.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
with the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
by authority and parents, it can be
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
solved
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IELTS essay Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining pupularity in the contemporary world.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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