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Describe the most important day in your life

Describe the most important day in your life gWA8O
There are many memorable days which human beings passed and some of the days become ever reminding in our day. The time goes by attaching a ton of deeds make people were on a roller coaster. they have no time to remind a significant day they have got. I cannot exactly recall the day but the feeling is so intense that everything is still fresh in my memory when someone awaken memories of it. That day is the day I got the highest award of National Biology excellent student in 1998 when I was in the eleventh grade. It has changed my life for now. First, it is the ticket or a single door which I confidently come to the future. You know, at that time in Viet Nam, the university entrance examination was a struggle for existence. I told that to figure out how difficult it is. You have to defeat one hundred or 2 hundred other students to get a slot of coming to the National University, which implies that you have to learn very hard to reach good marks such as eight or nine for every subject. For example, becoming a student of the National of Natural Science University you must take eight of Mathematics, nine of Biologics, and eight of English for applying Biotechnology Department. However, there is a privilege for who gets a National Award. They get the direct offer without an entrance exam. And I was in the case at that time. Second, the family have a child studying the Ho Chi Minh National University is an extreme honor. I brought the honor for my family. My father and mother were very happy during all the week. That event made their day. They showed off my honors to their friends and colleagues. My grandparents are like sitting on the top of the world. I believe that it bonds my family together. In a nutshell, the day was a very important day for me in many aspects. It had given me the approach to come into possession of more things in my life beyond the University entrance.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
memorable days which human beings passed and
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
days become ever reminding in our day. The time goes by attaching a ton of deeds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were on a roller coaster.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
have no time to remind a significant day they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
. I cannot exactly recall the day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the feeling is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
intense that everything is
still
fresh in my memory when someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "awakens", "awakened".
awaken
memories of it. That day is the day I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the highest award of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
National
Biology excellent student in 1998 when I was in the eleventh grade. It has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
my life for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

First
, it is the ticket or a single door which I
confidently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the future. You know, at that time in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
entrance examination was a struggle for existence. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that to figure out how difficult it is. You
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
defeat one hundred or 2 hundred other students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a slot of coming to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
, which implies that you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to reach
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
marks such as eight or nine for every subject.
For example
, becoming a student of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
National
of Natural Science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take eight of Mathematics, nine of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Biologics
, and eight of English for applying Biotechnology Department.
However
, there is a privilege for who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
National
Award. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the direct offer without an entrance exam. And I was in the case at that time.

Second, the family have a child studying the Ho Chi Minh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
is an extreme honor. I brought the honor for my family. My father and mother were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
happy during all the week. That
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
made their day. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
off my honors to their friends and colleagues. My grandparents are like sitting on the top of the world. I believe that it bonds my family together.

In a nutshell, the day was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
day for me in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects. It had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
me the approach to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into possession of more things in my life beyond the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
entrance.
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IELTS essay Describe the most important day in your life

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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