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describe my dream job, policeman

describe my dream job, policeman okyKK
Today I’d like to share with you about my dream job. When I was a kid, I always ask myself: what am I going to be? It was not until my father took me on patrol with him by canoe that I found my answer: I want to become a policeman. Since then I’ve been pursuing this profession for a long time and I realize that it’s my true calling. As a policeman, I have to be responsible for the prevention and investigation of crime, as well as traffic control. In addition, I have to patrol everywhere, all the time and many other things. In order to become a policeman, I would have to do exersise a lot to have a good health. I also need to brush up on my knowledge to successfully complete the task. Besides, I also have to practice discipline in everything. The reason I want to be a police officer is: because it's very cool and I can drive many means of transport such as canoes, cars, motorbikes, . . . in addition to living and working in a disciplined environment that makes me more mature. When I first started, I faced many difficulties, but I had my parents and friends who always supported and helped me. I really appreciate that. Therefore, I will try my best to become a police officer That all I want to say. Thank for listening.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
I’d like to share with you about my dream job.

When I was a kid, I always ask myself: what am I going to be? It was not until my father took me on patrol with him by canoe that I found my answer: I want to become a policeman. Since
The comma is probably missing here: "then, I".
then I
’ve been pursuing this profession for a long time and I realize that it’s my true calling.

As a policeman, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be responsible for the prevention and investigation of crime,
as well
as traffic control.
In addition
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
patrol everywhere, all the time and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other things.

In order to become a policeman, I would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do
Possible spelling mistake found.
exersise
a lot to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health. I
also
need to brush up on my knowledge to
successfully
complete the task.
Besides
, I
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
practice discipline in everything.

The reason I want to be a police officer is:
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
cool and I can drive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
means of transport such as canoes, cars, motorbikes
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
addition to living and working in a disciplined environment that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me more mature.

When I
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
, I faced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I had my parents and friends who always supported and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me. I
really
appreciate that.
Therefore
, I will try my best to become a police officer

That all I want to say. Thank for listening.
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IELTS essay describe my dream job, policeman

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
236 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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