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Describe an important lesson that you've learned and how it has helped you throughout your life. Use specific details and examples to support your answer. v.1

Describe an important lesson that you've learned and how it has helped you throughout your life. Use specific details and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Improving the health of the people has become a major discussion in today’s world as people’s life expectancy has increased. Although some think it is the responsibility of the government to improve the health of its citizens, others think the individual should take control of their physical condition. This essay will discuss both the views and explain why I think it should be the individual liability to maintain one’s health. The government could implement plans and policies to encourage or enforce certain behaviour on its people. In addition, its policies could be implemented across the country covering all segments of the population. For example, special tax incentives could be provided for people who meet the development goal set by them. Furthermore, the resource needed to implement its policy is already available to them. For instance, the government healthcare workers could be used to implement and monitor the health goals. Since their policies have tremendous impact on people some think it is government’s to improve the health of the citizens. Even though the government could offer encouraging plans the responsibility entirely lies with the individuals. It is their body and it’s the best interest for them to improve the health. Individual’s health requirement and preference are best known to them and cannot be categorized as a standard plan by any organization. For instance, people’s preference and priority vary, some would need a strict diet control, whereas others might need physical activity or a nice place to walk. Since individual requirement and preferences varies it should be their responsibility to develop a healthy lifestyle and thereby a healthy body. In conclusion and in my opinion, the government can offer incentives, but cannot strictly enforce plans to improve everyone’s health. It should completely be the individual’s responsibility to improve their health. Moreover the need and preference are best known only to them.
Improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has become a major discussion in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life expectancy has increased. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of its citizens, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
should take control of their physical condition. This essay will discuss both the views and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it should be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
liability to maintain one’s health.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could implement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
to encourage or enforce certain
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
on its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In addition
, its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
could
be implemented
across the country covering all segments of the population.
For example
, special tax incentives could
be provided
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the development goal set by them.
Furthermore
, the resource needed to implement its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
is already available to them.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
healthcare workers could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to implement and monitor the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
goals.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
have tremendous impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the citizens.

“Even though” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Even though
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could offer encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
entirely
lies with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. It is their body and it’s the best interest for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individual’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
requirement and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preference
are best known to them and cannot
be categorized
as a standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
by any organization.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preference
and priority vary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
would need a strict diet control, whereas others might need physical activity or a nice place to walk. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
requirement and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preferences
varies it should be their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
to develop a healthy lifestyle and thereby a healthy body.

In conclusion
and in my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can offer incentives,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
cannot
strictly
enforce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
everyone’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. It should completely be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
the need and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preference
are best known
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe an important lesson that you've learned and how it has helped you throughout your life. Use specific details and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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