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Describe a phone/computer game you enjoy playing since childhood

Describe a phone/computer game you enjoy playing since childhood JR8B
Every child loves to play games. Some children like to play games on the computer; some want to play the phone, but excess usages of this technological equipment may create many health problems. So parents have to be very careful about it. I play games on computer as well as on phones. playing games is a great way to spend leisure time and it also helps in the development of the mind. A game called Need for Speed is one such game that I have been playing since my childhood. I vividly remembered my father brought a computer in the late 2000s. My cousin insisted me to play this game and I installed it on my computer. I used to play for hours when I was a child as It gives me a thrilling experience even now when I play. Due to scarcity of time But now an hour or 2 a week. The storyline was amazing. Thy game has been created by one of the leading gaming companies known as EA sports and since its first release, it became a worldwide hit. The game focuses on street racing-oriented gameplay involving a selection of events and racing circuits found within the fictional city of Rockport, with the game's main story involving players taking on 15 of the city's most elite street racers to become the most wanted racer of the group to get their car back from the antagonist(opponent), while developing a feud with the city's police department in the process. The game had blurry graphics but still, it was amazing compared to the other games available at that time. It was only a single-player mission-based game back then, but the latest version of it includes high graphics and multiplayer options as well along with some amazing animations and 3D effects, it feels like you are driving a car.
Every child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
children like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on the computer;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
the phone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
excess usages of this technological equipment may create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
careful about it.

I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on computer
as well
as on phones.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is a great way to spend leisure time and it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the development of the mind.

A game called Need for Speed is one such game that I have been playing since my childhood. I
vividly
remembered my father brought a computer in the late 2000s. My cousin insisted me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
this game and I installed it on my computer. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
for hours when I was a child as It gives me a thrilling experience even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
when I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
. Due to scarcity of time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
an hour or 2 a week. The storyline was amazing. Thy game has
been created
by one of the leading gaming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
known as EA sports and since its
first
release, it became a worldwide hit. The game focuses on street racing-oriented gameplay involving a selection of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and racing circuits found within the fictional city of Rockport, with the game's main story involving players taking on 15 of the city's most elite street racers to become the most wanted racer of the group to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their car back from the antagonist(opponent), while developing a feud with the city's police department in the process. The game had blurry graphics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
, it was amazing compared to the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
available at that time. It was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a single-player mission-based game back then,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the latest version of it includes high graphics and multiplayer options
as well
along with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amazing animations and 3D effects, it feels like you are driving a car.
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IELTS essay Describe a phone/computer game you enjoy playing since childhood

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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