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Describe a job that you would like to do for a day

Describe a job that you would like to do for a day LLVRp
I am not sure if I could ever do this, but it would be fascinating to be a doctor for a day. This job only focus about health and may be considered as one of fhe most important careers in the world. First of all, I must have many responsibilities to be a doctor. I need to do perform assessments for patients and then, give them advices about the way to treat. Moreover, I need to collaborate with nurses and other health professors in order to make them know clearly about the patients' health or have some ideas from them. Besides that, I also have to have some characteristics like communication skill. I must say that it is a crucial skill that a doctor should havem When I talk to ill people, this skill is so helpful for me to understand more about their problems. Thus, after having test results, I need to explain to them and their families and give them treatment route. Moreover, problem-solving is also a skill that I need have. Not only to choose a suitable treatment after prescribing, but also in case of emergency. The reason that make me choose this job just because I love it. I would like to take care of sick people and can have an ability to look after my family.
I am not sure if I could ever do this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it would be fascinating to be a doctor for a day. This job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus about health and may
be considered
as one of
Possible spelling mistake found.
fhe
most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
careers in the world.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
responsibilities to be a doctor. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to do perform assessments for patients and then, give them advices about the way to treat.
Moreover
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to collaborate with nurses and other health professors in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them know
clearly
about the patients' health or have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
from them.
Besides
that, I
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
characteristics like communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
say that it is a crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
that a doctor should
Possible spelling mistake found.
havem
When I talk to ill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
helpful for me to understand more about their problems.
Thus
, after having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
results, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
to them and their families and give them treatment route.
Moreover
, problem-solving is
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
that I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
have. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to choose a suitable treatment after prescribing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in case of emergency. The reason that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me choose this job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
it. I would like to take care of sick
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and can have an ability to look after my family.
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IELTS essay Describe a job that you would like to do for a day

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
221 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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