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describe a family you know very well

describe a family you know very well n6wG2
Family plays a paramount of role in everyone’s life. The human is a social being and cannot live without family. There are many families. The family, I am talking about here, is none other than the family of a very good friend of mine. I have known them since childhood. I would like to talk about her family. My friend name is Kiran. She is an intelligent person and come from a nice family. Her father name is Mr. avtar singh rawat and he is a government employee. Her mother name is Mrs. Usha rawat who is a homemaker and excellent cook. I go their house and spend time with their fabulous people. They help others selflessly and are renowned for their benevolent behaviors. They do a lot of activities together including playing games, watching movies and so on. They have strong bond that keeps them together as a pact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
plays
The phrase 'a paramount of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a paramount of
role in everyone’s life. The human is a social being and cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, I am talking about here, is none other than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friend of mine. I have known them since childhood. I would like to talk about her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. My friend name is Kiran. She is an intelligent person and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from a nice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Her father name is Mr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
avtar
Possible spelling mistake found.
singh
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
rawat and
he is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
employee. Her mother name is Mrs.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Usha
Possible spelling mistake found.
rawat
who is a homemaker and excellent cook. I go their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and spend time with their fabulous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others
selflessly
and
are renowned
for their benevolent behaviors. They do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
activities together including playing games, watching movies and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
have strong bond that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them together as a
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
pact
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IELTS essay describe a family you know very well

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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