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Depression and anxiety disorders among Adults

Nowadays, the most of Adults constantly face with the stress, problems in their business life, private life. All of these worsen them morally and cause depression, anxiety, social phobia which completely frustrate their mental health and the foremost their life. On one hand, from my point of view, Adults are charge of so many responsibilities such as about their children’s future, job, family affairs, meeting their child’s needs, etc. and each of them causes stress on middle-aged people. That is way disorders as depression and anxiety usually occur on Adults. In my opinion, it is mainly bound up business life that they spare the most of their day in there. Actually this depends on the type of work. Some jobs may be so stressful, for instance, profession of a doctor. Saving someone’s life requires too much responsibility and self-sacrifice and from my stand point, such as professions results anxiety. However place of doctors is undeniable in our life. On another hand, one of liability of Adults is about their children. They have to meet their needs as affording their education, buying them necessary things and sometimes they think more and more deeply about it. They consider that what if I am laid off, cannot meet my child’s significant needs. Hence, All of these thoughts make them depressed and create uneasiness on them. To sum up, What they need is to chill out, think less and occasionally walking away from responsibilities. Unless they do it, they will deal with diverse illnesses, due to it is evident fact that depression and anxiety create harmful diseases like cancer.
Nowadays, the most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Adults
constantly
face with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, problems in their business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. All of these worsen them
morally
and cause depression,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anxiety
, social phobia which completely frustrate their mental health and the foremost their life.

On one hand, from my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Adults
are charge of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
responsibilities such as about their children’s future, job, family affairs, meeting their child’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
, etc. and each of them causes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on middle-aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
That is
way disorders as depression and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anxiety
usually
occur on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Adults
. In my opinion, it is
mainly
bound up business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that they spare the most of their day in there. Actually this depends on the type of work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
jobs may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
stressful,
for instance
, profession of a doctor. Saving someone’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
requires too much responsibility and self-sacrifice and from my stand point, such as professions results
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anxiety
.
However
place of doctors is undeniable in our life.

On another hand, one of liability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Adults
is about their children. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
as affording their education, buying them necessary things and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
more and more
deeply
about it. They consider that what if I
am laid
off, cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
my child’s significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
Hence
, All of these thoughts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them depressed and create uneasiness on them.

To sum up, What they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
is to chill out,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
less and
occasionally
walking away from responsibilities. Unless they do it, they will deal with diverse illnesses, due to it is evident fact that depression and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
anxiety
create harmful diseases like cancer.

IELTS essay Depression and anxiety disorders among Adults

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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