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Crime is a problem all over the world and there is nothing that can be done to prevent it. To what extent do you agree?

Crime is a problem all over the world and there is nothing that can be done to prevent it. 9YELj
Crime rate which has been increasing is problem of the whole world. Some people believe that there is nothing that can be done to prevent crime. I completely disagree with that opinion and believe that crime prevention can be executed in various ways. On the one side, the government should impose stricter punishment on people who engage in criminal activities. This punishment is a method to prevent crime because it makes people afraid to do the crime, knowing that they are going to be severely punished. As a result, it may deter them from committing a crime. On the other side, people should be aware of what they have done and the consequence associated with the crime they have just committed. It means that more attention should be paid not only to the government's action of punishing people for committing a crime, but people themselves should also be aware of the morals, because this may deter them from committing a crime. In addition, the police should be on guard to make sure that crimes are not happening in their locality. The police can direct their attention to the people who are likely to commit a crime. Regarding to that, the economy should be maintained in decent condition, so that people can find a job in order to make a living. Creating jobs for unemployed people can reduce the crime rate.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crime
rate which has been increasing is problem of the whole world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that there is nothing that can
be done
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. I completely disagree with that opinion and believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
prevention can
be executed
in various ways.

On the one side, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose stricter punishment on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who engage in criminal activities. This punishment is a method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
afraid to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, knowing that they are going to be
severely
punished.
As a result
, it may deter them from committing a crime.

On the other side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be aware of what they have done and the consequence associated with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
committed. It means that more attention should
be paid
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's action of punishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for committing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
themselves should
also
be aware of the morals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this may deter them from committing a crime.

In addition
, the police should be on guard to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are not happening in their locality. The police can direct their attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are likely to commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
that, the economy should
be maintained
in decent condition,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can find a job in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living. Creating jobs for unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.
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IELTS essay Crime is a problem all over the world and there is nothing that can be done to prevent it.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
230 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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