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consuming large amount of sugar is bad for the health. it is believed by some pupil that it is duty of government to reduce the productivity as well as consumption of sugary products but, others think that it is the responsibility of people to reduce the intake of junk food. In my forthcoming paragraphs, I am going to discuss both view and my feelings.

consuming large amount of sugar is bad for the health. it is believed by some pupil that it is duty of government to reduce the productivity as well as consumption of sugary products but, others think that it is the responsibility of people to reduce the intake of junk food. In my forthcoming paragraphs, I am going to 0AEW3
consuming large amount of sugar is bad for the health. it is believed by some pupil that it is duty of government to reduce the productivity as well as consumption of sugary products but, others think that it is the responsibility of people to reduce the intake of junk food. In my forthcoming paragraphs, I am going to discuss both view and my feelings. On the one hand, Government play a vital role to restrict amount of production of junk food. Firstly, there will be some rules and regulations related to the ingredients that are used for the manufacturing of burger, pizza and sugary drinks. For example, a recent study is conducted on sugary drinks and it is found that if sugar level is below 40 calories then it is not going to harm humans. Second, Government should banned advertisements of some drinks which cause obesity and heart diseases. Because when young ones see any product on the advertisement and they pester their parents to buy the same product. Thirdly, there should be education in schools about what to eat and how to stay healthy. on the flip side of argument, individual's have to do something for themselves. First of all, parents encourage their kids to eat home-made food. in this way, they will stay away from obesity and know what they ate and which ingredients they used for cooking. Secondly, young ones should know the bad impacts of consuming large amount soda drinks. To conclude, Government impose rules for manufacturing, restrict some advertisements and provide education in schools in order to maintain good health of their citizens. but personally I believe that parents should teach their parents to eat healthy diet.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
consuming
large amount of sugar is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for the health.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pupil that it is duty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the productivity
as well
as consumption of sugary products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is the responsibility of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the intake of junk food. In my forthcoming paragraphs, I am going to discuss both view and my feelings.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
The singular proper name 'Government' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "plays", "played".
play
a vital role to restrict amount of production of junk food.
Firstly
, there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations related to the ingredients that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the manufacturing of burger, pizza and sugary drinks.
For example
, a recent study
is conducted
on sugary drinks and it
is found
that if sugar level is below 40 calories then it is not going to harm humans. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "ban"
banned
advertisements of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drinks which cause obesity and heart diseases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
when young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
any product on the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
advertisement and
they pester their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the same product.
Thirdly
, there should be education in schools about what to eat and how to stay healthy.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the flip side of argument, individual's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do something for themselves.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
encourage their kids to eat home-made food.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
this way, they will stay away from obesity and know what they ate and which ingredients they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for cooking.
Secondly
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
should know the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impacts of consuming large amount soda drinks.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
impose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for manufacturing, restrict
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advertisements and provide education in schools in order to maintain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health of their citizens.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
personally
I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to eat healthy diet.

IELTS essay consuming large amount of sugar is bad for the health. it is believed by some pupil that it is duty of government to reduce the productivity as well as consumption of sugary products but, others think that it is the responsibility of people to reduce the intake of junk food. In my forthcoming paragraphs, I am going to

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • consuming large amount of sugar is bad for the health. it is believed by some pupil that it is duty of government to reduce the productivity as well as consumption of sugary products but, others think that it is the responsibility of people to reduce the intake of junk food. In my forthcoming paragraphs, I am going to discuss both view and my feelings.