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Computer games are becoming very popular among children of all ages and nationalities. Parents say they are concerned because these games have little educational value and many harmful effects. Do you agree or disagree?

Computer games are becoming very popular among children of all ages and nationalities. Parents say they are concerned because these games have little educational value and many harmful effects. 3LNJw
Technological advances has helped to create different varieties of computer games with lots of entrainment. The modern computer games are capable to be better than any other indoor and outdoor games. Most parents believe that these games are less educative value and very harmful for the health of children. Regardless of what they believe I largely disagree to this belief. Development in the field of computer games has helped programmers to build games that requires large amount of brain activity. This will help Children to develop their brain activity. Large varieties of games are available to help the children to be very educative. Some these games have become the favourite games among kids. Mind games is a type of game that will help to arrive a solution towards a problem and has already have more than 2 billion users worldwide. This games is accepted by even matured people. Parents are really worried about the harmful nature of computer games. These problems can be prevented by a large extent through limiting time spend on games with addictive nature. If the time consumed by computer games are controlled, then there will be no problem regarding the health. Also most games have proven to be increase reflexive reaction. Some games such as pubj, call of duty and so on are not meant for small children. For example, there are many details such as age limit, rules and regulations for each games. That should be read thoroughly before start using that game. To conclude, I largely disagree to the what parents believe of using computer games are less educative and can cause health issues.
Technological advances has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
varieties of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with
Possible agreement error. The noun entrainment seems to be countable; consider using: "lots of entrainments".
lots of entrainment
. The modern computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are capable to be better than any other indoor and outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Most parents believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are less educative value and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful for the health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Regardless of what they believe I
largely
disagree to this belief.

Development in the field of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
programmers to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that requires large amount of brain activity. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
to develop their brain activity. Large varieties of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are available to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
educative.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have become the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
among kids. Mind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is a type of game that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to arrive a solution towards a problem and has already
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "had".
have
more than 2 billion users worldwide.
Did you mean "these"?
This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You should probably use: "are".
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by even matured
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Parents are
really
worried about the harmful nature of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. These problems can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by a large extent through limiting time spend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with addictive nature. If the time consumed by computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are controlled
, then there will be no problem regarding the health.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have proven to be increase reflexive reaction.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
pubj
,
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
call of duty
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on are not meant for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
such as age limit,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations for each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "game"?
games
. That should
be read
thoroughly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
using that game.

To conclude
, I
largely
disagree to the what parents believe of using computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are less educative and can cause health issues.
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IELTS essay Computer games are becoming very popular among children of all ages and nationalities. Parents say they are concerned because these games have little educational value and many harmful effects.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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