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compare experience gained from book and experience

compare experience gained from book and experience Wy22k
First of all, either knowledge learnt from theoretical or practical information have the same source, which is the world around us. While secondhand knowledge is what you attain in the process of self-experience, working and exploring the outside world, books are a source of knowledge that records real-world experiences on various aspects of everyday life of the writers. With the endless desire to discover, mankind have had many fascinating journeys to find out the unique cultures of several ethnic minorities in Africa, to discover the magnificent of nature, or even the world beyond us and they they have tried to preserve the knowledge they got in many ways, including books.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
from theoretical or practical information have the same source, which is the world around us. While secondhand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
is what you attain in the process of self-experience, working and exploring the outside world, books are a source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
that records real-world experiences on various aspects of everyday life of the writers. With the endless desire to discover, mankind have had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fascinating journeys to find out the unique cultures of several ethnic minorities in Africa, to discover
The phrase 'the magnificent of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the magnificent of
nature, or even the world beyond
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
us and
Possible typo: you repeated a word
they they
have tried to preserve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, including books.
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IELTS essay compare experience gained from book and experience

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
110 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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