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Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities

Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities 5drD
One of the most conspicuous trends of today's world is the colossal upsurge in the number of multinational companies encouraging sports and social events. Undoubtedly, huge companies yield tremendous profits and can affordably donate a small amount to sports and community facilities, I am a strong advocate of this notion as this will aid social awareness and deteriorate health risks. There are numerous reasons for people to agree that companies should grant financial aid to sports and social events, but the most predominant one is increased civic awareness. To begin with, if local industries help promotion of social events like breast cancer awareness, this will not only disseminate knowledge in the public, but also uplift the company's reputation in the market. Thus, benefiting both to the society as well the company. Furthermore, another fundamental reason for companies to support sports would be the health benefits that derive from it. Organizing a free sports facility for the locals would encourage both children and adults to participate and lead a healthy life. In other words, indulging into sports would alleviate health risk like obesity, high cholesterol, and blood pressure. Additionally, this serves a chance for school kids to play on national level resulting into recognition and fame. For instance, if a school kid becomes a future champion of hockey, school would give credit to the company, thus doing so would benefit the community and company significantly. To encapsulate all, it is getting extremely popular for large businesses to contribute to sports and community facilities globally. I strongly believe that doing so would only prove beneficial for both community's health and company's reputation.
One of the most conspicuous trends of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world is the colossal upsurge in the number of multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
Undoubtedly
, huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
yield tremendous profits and can
affordably
donate a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and community facilities, I am a strong advocate of this notion as this will aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
awareness and deteriorate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.

There are numerous reasons for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should grant financial aid to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the most predominant one
is increased
civic awareness. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, if local industries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
promotion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like breast cancer awareness, this will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
disseminate knowledge in the public,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
uplift the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's reputation in the market.
Thus
, benefiting both to the society
as well
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Furthermore
, another fundamental reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
would be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
benefits that derive from it. Organizing a free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facility for the locals would encourage both children and adults to participate and lead a healthy life.
In other words
, indulging into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
would alleviate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
like obesity, high cholesterol, and blood pressure.
Additionally
, this serves a chance for school kids to play on national level resulting into recognition and fame.
For instance
, if a school kid becomes a future champion of hockey, school would give credit to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
,
thus
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
would benefit the community and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
significantly
.

To encapsulate all, it is getting
extremely
popular for large businesses to contribute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and community facilities globally. I
strongly
believe that doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
prove beneficial for both community's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's reputation.
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IELTS essay Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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