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Climate change is now an accepted threat to our planet, but there is not enough political action to control excessive consumerism and pollution. Do you agree?

Climate change is now an accepted threat to our planet, but there is not enough political action to control excessive consumerism and pollution. Do you agree? 9E3W
In a recent years, climate change is a burning issue to our planet. There are many people who think there are not sufficient action taken by government to solve this problem. This is surrounded by so many controversies but I undoubtedly agree. Different factors have influenced my stand in this matter. Out of the several observation, the first which comes to my mind is that air pollution. This view exists because in industries manufacturing process or production of energy by burning coal, gas or waste may produced chemicals in the air. As a result, it's affect the upper atmosphere which is called global warming. Furthermore, we cannot ignore the reality that modern lifestyle also affect the environment. This reason is buyed in the fact that people are using more and more modern technology like cars, AC and many more. As a consequence, car and AC emissions carbon dioxide which mix up in the air and causes air pollution and also health problem. In conclusion, due to insufficient political actions and awareness, I believe that climate change can become dangerous to our planet.
In a recent
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "year"?
years
, climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is a burning issue to our planet. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are not sufficient action taken by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to solve this problem. This
is surrounded
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
controversies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
undoubtedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
factors have influenced my stand in this matter. Out of the
Possible agreement error. The noun observation seems to be countable; consider using: "several observations".
several observation
, the
first
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to my mind is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
pollution. This view exists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in industries manufacturing process or production of energy by burning coal, gas or waste may produced chemicals in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
.
As a result
, it's affect the upper atmosphere which
is called
global warming.
Furthermore
, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the reality that modern lifestyle
also
affect the environment. This reason is
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "bought", the past tense form of the verb 'buy'?
buyed
in the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are using more and more modern technology like cars, AC and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. As a consequence, car and AC emissions carbon dioxide which mix up in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
and causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
pollution and
also
health problem.

In conclusion
, due to insufficient political actions and awareness, I believe that climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
can become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to our planet.
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IELTS essay Climate change is now an accepted threat to our planet, but there is not enough political action to control excessive consumerism and pollution. Do you agree?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
182 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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