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choosing their job should be based on the size of the salary offered.

choosing their job should be based on the size of the salary offered. bDwol
Some people argue that choosing their job should be based on the size of the salary offered. From my viewpoint, I disagree with this idea because I believe that the other factors are equally important Some people argue that money is not the most important concern for employees to choose a job and there are other important considerations to continue a career. A high salary essential employees to pay for their daily basic demands in their life. Without monthly salaries, people cannot pay for renting house costs, accommodation, food, health care, education and other utility bills. In addition, a competitive salary keeps employees highly productive to work and contribute to the company. People will often put salary as the top goal and they always strive for it because it is what they do to provide for themselves and their families. Nevertheless, I believed that other considerations are just as important as salary. The working environment such as facility, colleagues, teams, etc. For example, a clean workplace, neatly arranged furniture will create better work efficiency, and employees will also feel more comfortable. Another justification is that passion and interest in the work are more important than salary. If we put our love into the work, we will work harder, be more effectively, and productively. In conclusion, while salaries certainly affect people's choice of profession, I do not believe that money outweighs all other motivators.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that choosing their job should
be based
on the size of the
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salary
offered. From my viewpoint, I disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe that the
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other
factors are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important


This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that money is not the most
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important
concern for
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employees
to choose a job and there are
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other
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important
considerations to continue a career. A high
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salary
essential
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employees
to pay for their daily basic demands in their life. Without monthly
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salaries
,
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people
cannot pay for renting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
costs, accommodation, food, health care, education and
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other
utility bills.
In addition
, a competitive
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salary
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keeps
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employees
highly
productive to
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work
and contribute to the
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company
.
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People
will
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often
put
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salary
as the top
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
goal and
they always strive for it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is what they do to provide for themselves and their families.

Nevertheless
, I believed that
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other
considerations are
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just
as
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important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
. The working environment such as facility, colleagues, teams, etc.
For example
, a clean workplace,
neatly
arranged furniture will create better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efficiency, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
will
also
feel more comfortable. Another justification is that passion and interest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
. If we put our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
into the
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work
, we will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder, be more
effectively
, and
productively
.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
certainly
affect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's choice of profession, I do not believe that money outweighs all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
motivators.

IELTS essay choosing their job should be based on the size of the salary offered.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
233 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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