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Children today play very violent games.This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinion on this?

Video games are the favourite leisure activity of all age groups. These days young children prefer to play video games that are violent in content. I agree with the stance that the rise in violence and crime rate observed in urban cities of the world might be one of the effects caused by these video games. Some of the underlying reasons for my opinion will be discussed in this essay. The contents of the video games are fascinating which resembles real-life scenarios but lack practical social rules and promotes killing, abusing the opponent in the game. When children continuously experience such situations virtually they may get addicted to similar attitudes and forget social responsibility. Additionally, the abundant availability of online games that are not rated by gaming board authorities is a cause of concern. Stringent regulations can prevent and educate the parents and children before opting for a video game. Furthermore, adults should provide proper guidance to children to choose video games. It would be great if parents play along with the child during family time to understand the content of the game. Not only guide them to choose content but also help them to organise time to spend playing video games. Because these games are addictive and can be played limitless. Individual studies show that young children on average spend more than two hours on video games. In addition to the responsibility of parents, stringent rules should be imposed by cyber agencies on these gaming sites which can enforce them to modify the content of the video games. To conclude, video games promote violent behaviour in children. From the points enlisted above, the content of the games and the time children engage with these games, influence the disruptive behaviour of the child. I believe that video games do play a role in the alarming rise of crime and violence in the growing cities of the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are the
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favourite’ is British English.
favourite
leisure activity of all age groups. These days young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
prefer to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that are violent in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the stance that the rise in violence and crime rate observed in urban cities of the world might be one of the effects caused by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
If the text is a generality, ‘of the’ is not necessary.
Some of the
underlying reasons for my opinion will
be discussed
in this essay.

The contents of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are fascinating which resembles real-life scenarios
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
lack practical social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and promotes killing, abusing the opponent in the game. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
continuously
experience such situations
virtually
they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to similar attitudes and forget social responsibility.
Additionally
, the abundant availability of online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that are not rated by gaming board authorities is a cause of concern. Stringent regulations can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
and educate the parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
opting for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game.

Furthermore
, adults should provide proper guidance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. It would be great if parents play along with the child during family time to understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
of the game. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
guide them to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organise’ is British English.
organise
time to spend playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are addictive and can
be played
limitless. Individual studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on average spend more than two hours on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
In addition
to the responsibility of parents, stringent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
should
be imposed
by cyber agencies on these gaming sites which can enforce them to modify the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
games.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
promote violent
Possible spelling mistake. ‘behaviour’ is British English.
behaviour
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. From the points enlisted above, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
engage with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, influence the disruptive
Possible spelling mistake. ‘behaviour’ is British English.
behaviour
of the child. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
do play a role in the alarming rise of crime and violence in the growing cities of the world.
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IELTS essay Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinion on this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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