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children should be provided with healthy food during school day

children should be provided with healthy food during school day VBw27
Some people think that to ensure an efficient learning process, children should be provided with healthy food during school day. In this essay, I am going to explain how much this concept is correct; and who should supply healthy food in the school? First of all, studying and learning are multifactorial processes. In other words, they depend on many factors such as health status. In order to ensure that each student has a good health, every student should be well nourished. Therefore, healthy food is a cornerstone in the learning cascade. According to one research published in Japan, students who have healthy snacks during day have better performance in physics exam compared to those have processed ingredients in their foods. Moreover, some specific foods can enhance their physical and mental activities. For example, banana is a great source for Potassium (K+), which is an essential element for energy production and muscles building. Another example is Vitamin E, which can be found in nuts, is a great component for cognitive activities such as memory. Now, the question is that, who is responsible for providing healthy foods for children in schools? It’s actually a dual responsibility that shared between schools and parents. School, for example, should establish restrict policies about what sold in cafeterias. On the other hand, parents should make sure that food taken by children from home are natural and healthy. To sum up we could say that, healthy foods are crucial factors for an effective learning experience as they encourage students physical and mental activities; and supplying these type of foods is fallen on the shoulders of the schools administrators and parents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that to ensure an efficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
process, children should
be provided
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
day. In this essay, I am going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
how much this concept is correct; and who should supply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in the school?

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, studying and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
are multifactorial processes.
In other words
, they depend on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors such as health status. In order to ensure that each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should be well nourished.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is a cornerstone in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
cascade. According to one research published in Japan,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
snacks during day have better performance in physics exam compared to those have processed ingredients in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
can enhance their physical and mental activities.
For example
, banana is a great source for Potassium (K+), which is an essential element for energy production and muscles building. Another example is
The word 'vitamin' is normally not capitalized in the expression "vitamin E"
Vitamin E
, which can
be found
in nuts, is a great component for cognitive activities such as memory.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, the question is that, who is responsible for providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
for children in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
? It’s actually a dual responsibility that shared between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and parents.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
,
for example
, should establish restrict policies about what sold in cafeterias.
On the other hand
, parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
taken by children from home are natural and healthy.

To sum up we could say that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are crucial factors for an effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
experience as they encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
physical and mental activities; and supplying these type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
is fallen
on the shoulders of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
administrators and parents.
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IELTS essay children should be provided with healthy food during school day

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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