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Children can learn effectively from watching television which is why it should be encouraged at school and at home To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement v.2

Children can learn effectively from watching television which is why it should be encouraged at school and at home with this statement v. 2
Without any doubt, today, advanced technology has made learning easier and faster. Most of the people are encouraging their children to watch TV in order to obtain the knowledge and learning new things. While I agree that watching TV brings some positive effect on children, I believe that this trend has more adverse effects on our children and as well on our society. On the one hand side, watching TV can bring some benefits to the youngsters. There are, indeed, some advantages in introduction of the television at home and as well as in educational institutes. For instance, there are many informational TV channel such as discovery and science channels are merely for educational purpose. Furthermore, spending time on watching television could increase focus and concentration in some folks. For example, in autism and hyperactive disorder, children have focus deficiency; some studies have proven that those children have improved the attention span and increase ability to sit longer in front of TV. Thus, it can be seen that there are some positive impact of this trend. On the other hand, I believe that there are several side effect of the watching television. Spending time watching TV can take time away from healthy activities such as play outside with friends that lead the obesity and isolation. In addition, some program are designed to entertaining purpose not for educational purpose, these programmes have violence and inappropriate language that leave the bad impact on the immature brains. Moreover, excessive TV viewing is probably discouraged reading books and informative articles. As a result, children would have lack of the cognitive and problem solving skills. It can be concluded that television have negative impact on the physical and mental health of the children. In conclusion, I believe that watching television have more disadvantages than the advantages. Children can watch television under the supervision of their parents and teachers merely to obtain informational and educational knowledge.
Without any doubt,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, advanced technology has made learning easier and faster. Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are encouraging their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV in order to obtain the knowledge and learning new things. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that watching TV brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I believe that this trend has more adverse effects on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
as well
on our society.

On the one hand side, watching TV can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits to the youngsters. There are,
indeed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages in introduction of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
at home and
as well
as in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
institutes.
For instance
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
informational TV
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "channels"?
channel
such as discovery and science channels are
merely
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
purpose.
Furthermore
, spending time on watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
could increase focus and concentration in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
folks.
For example
, in autism and hyperactive disorder,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have focus deficiency;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
studies have proven that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the attention span and increase ability to sit longer in front of TV.
Thus
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact of this trend.

On the other hand
, I believe that there are several side effect of the watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. Spending time watching TV can take time away from healthy activities such as play outside with friends that lead the obesity and isolation.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "programs"?
program
are designed
to entertaining purpose not for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
purpose, these
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
have violence and inappropriate language that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on the immature brains.
Moreover
, excessive TV viewing is
probably
discouraged reading books and informative articles.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would have lack of the cognitive and problem solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. It can
be concluded
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the physical and mental health of the children.

In conclusion
, I believe that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
have more disadvantages than the advantages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
under the supervision of their parents and teachers
merely
to obtain informational and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
knowledge.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Children can learn effectively from watching television which is why it should be encouraged at school and at home with this statement v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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