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Children better grow up in a village rather than in a city".

Children better grow up in a village rather than in a city". 9L8R3
Children better grow up in a village rather than in a city". People always talk about place to live. Someone say that city is the best choice for children, but others disagree with them. Lets took a look at the advantages of this two variants. Firstly, as we know people from cities move to villages to find more peaceful life there. That fact that countryside is less stressful place to live, gives superiority over metropolises. Moreover ecological condition is much better in country than in urban areas. Secondly, city gives more opportunities to young people in development and education. People from countryside move into cities to study in university or to find a good job. I think that living in a village is too boring for me but sometimes I really get tired of all that urban stress and harmful ecology. I hope in future cities will become a perfect place for a people however village now is better in view of health.
Children better grow up in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
rather
than in a city
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
always talk about place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. Someone
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "saith", "says".
say
that city is the best choice for children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others disagree with them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Lets
took a look at the advantages of this two variants.

Firstly
, as we know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
to find more peaceful life there. That fact that countryside is less stressful place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, gives superiority over metropolises.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
ecological condition is much better in country than in urban areas.

Secondly
, city gives more opportunities to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in development and education.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
from countryside
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to study in university or to find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
is too boring for me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
I
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tired of all that urban
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and harmful ecology. I hope in future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
will become a perfect place for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is better in view of health.
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IELTS essay Children better grow up in a village rather than in a city".

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
163 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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