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Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social, and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social, and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? mOk1
It is commonly said that today’s children are being pressurized by many factors and facing academic, social, and commercial challenges. This essay intends to discuss the causes of these pressures and propose some measures to alleviate the problem. There are some factors like pressures created by parents in the academic sector and following the trends that can pressurize the children in social and commercial perspective. Sometimes parents create pressure on their children to get better grades on the examination or starts comparing their kids with others who are more talented. Parents want their children to excel in every field, and in this competition, children don’t have the time to bloom and reveal their hidden talents. Also, in this consumerist society, everyone is busy to follow the new trends. For example, when they see everyone is using the latest models of cell phones. They also want to buy them, and when they are unable to do so, they get stressed. Some possible solutions to this problem are parents should have realistic expectations from their children and they should make children realize that following every trend is not mandatory. Children have to be handled with great care. Every kid has their capability. So, its the responsibility for the parents that they shouldn’t compare their kids with others, and treat them by understanding the capability of their children. Moreover, parents should make their children realize that every trend doesn’t last forever, and they should understand the financial capability of the family before insisting on anything. To conclude, there is no doubt that children of today are facing many pressures, but steps should be taken on a war footing to protect their innocent childhood. Otherwise, these pressures will stifle the physical and psychological growth of children.
It is
commonly
said that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
being pressurized
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors and facing academic, social, and commercial challenges. This essay intends to discuss the causes of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
and propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures to alleviate the problem.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
created by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the academic sector and following the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
that can pressurize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in social and commercial perspective.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better grades on the examination or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
comparing their kids with others who are more talented.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to excel in every field, and in this competition,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
don’t have the time to bloom and reveal their hidden talents.
Also
, in this consumerist society, everyone is busy to follow the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
.
For example
, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
everyone is using the latest models of cell phones. They
also
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them, and when they are unable to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
possible solutions to this problem are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should have realistic expectations from their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
realize that following every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
is not mandatory.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be handled
with great care. Every kid has
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular and thus take a singular pronoun: "his", "her", "his or her", "its"
their
capability.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
the responsibility for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that they shouldn’t compare their kids with others, and treat them by understanding the capability of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
realize that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
doesn’t last forever, and they should understand the financial capability of the family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
insisting on anything.

To conclude
, there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
steps should
be taken
on a war footing to protect their innocent childhood.
Otherwise
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
will stifle the physical and psychological growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social, and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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