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Childcare training courses should be mandatory for all parents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples

Childcare training courses should be mandatory for all parents. Give your own opinion and include relevant examples OpV3
It is true that parents need some knowledge and experience in order to raise their kids in an appropriate way. In this regard, many families attend different training courses. While I agree that these courses might be useful for some of them, I totally disagree with the recommended obligatory pattern of such training. On the one hand, training courses usually offered by governments could be very useful for those guardians who have a kid with special needs. For example, if a child has a birth defect or has been diagnosed with any mental or musculoskeletal disorders, these kinds of training could be lifesaving. Additionally, as we know, the first few months after birth are really a crucial period of a child’s life; parents should obtain different information related to their child’s vaccinations, common health problems, different developmental issues and so on, which can be delivered through such training courses. On the other hand, I believe that making these programs as a mandatory option would cause several problems for societies and individuals as well. To begin with, in order to achieve this goal, many professionals should be trained which may not be affordable for some governments. From an individual’s point of view, this kind of mandatory programs could be very time-consuming for some families who have other kids at home or who work long hours. The other important consideration is that parent training courses may not provide all the necessary information for each and every family. To be more specific, parents could get more beneficial information through different websites such as YouTube according to their own preferences. In conclusion, although I believe that many families can take advantage from training courses, I do believe that making them as a compulsory option for everyone is too time and money-consuming for individuals and governments.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
knowledge and experience in order to raise their kids
Consider replacing "in an appropriate way" with the adverb for "appropriate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an appropriate way
. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
might be useful for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them, I
totally
disagree with the recommended obligatory pattern of such training.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
usually
offered by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for those guardians who have a kid with special needs.
For example
, if a child has a birth defect or has
been diagnosed
with any mental or musculoskeletal disorders, these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
could be lifesaving.
Additionally
, as we know, the
first
few months after birth are
really
a crucial period of a child’s life;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
information related to their child’s vaccinations, common health problems,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
developmental issues and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, which can
be delivered
through such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
.
On the other hand
, I believe that making these programs as a mandatory option would cause several problems for societies and individuals
as well
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in order to achieve this goal,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professionals should
be trained
which may not be affordable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
. From an individual’s point of view, this kind of mandatory programs could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
time-consuming for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
who have other kids at home or who work long hours. The other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
consideration is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
may not provide all the necessary information for each and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. To be more specific,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more beneficial information through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
websites such as YouTube according to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
preferences.

In conclusion
, although I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
can take advantage from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
, I do believe that making them as a compulsory option for everyone is too time and money-consuming for individuals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
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IELTS essay Childcare training courses should be mandatory for all parents. Give your own opinion and include relevant examples

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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