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Changes in smoking rates in to genders from 1960 to 2000

Changes in smoking rates in to genders from 1960 to 2000 NwEPg
The illustration depicts the amount of smokers in Someland from 1960 to 2000. Units measured in numbers of people. At the beginning of the given year men's rate was 600 from every 1000 people and it was 6 times more than women's rate. Coming to 1975 and 1980 women's rate saw the highest quantity about 300. In 2000 men experienced the lowest rate approximately 250 in 1000. One clear fact is that there was a slight decrease during given years in men's rate. Women's rate fluctuated during the years. It saw a stable change from 1965 to 1970 and from 1975 to 1990. Only in 2 years in 1965 and 1975 it went up. In 1995 there was a slight drop in both genders
The illustration depicts the amount of smokers in
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Someland
from 1960 to 2000. Units measured in numbers of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. At the beginning of the
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given
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year
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men
's
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rate
was 600 from every 1000
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people
and it was 6 times more than women's
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rate
. Coming to 1975 and 1980 women's
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rate
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saw
the highest quantity about 300. In 2000
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men
experienced the lowest
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rate
approximately 250 in 1000. One
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clear
fact is that there was a slight decrease during
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
years in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's
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rate
. Women's
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rate
fluctuated during the years. It
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saw
a stable
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change
from 1965 to 1970 and from 1975 to 1990.
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Only
in 2 years in 1965 and 1975 it went up. In 1995 there was a slight drop in both
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
genders

IELTS essay Changes in smoking rates in to genders from 1960 to 2000

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
123 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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