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Celebrities such as singers and film stars earn too much money, buy too many goods and care too little about other people.

Celebrities such as singers and film stars earn too much money, buy too many goods and care too little about other people. Moay6
Celebrities have a lot of fame in the public. Some believe that they earn huge amount, have luxurious life and have less generosity, while others disagree. While I disagree that celebrities doesn’t care about public, I do agree that they have high status with high renumeration. To begin with, famous personalities have huge amount, live in large houses, maintains status but they doesn’t care much about people only in few cases. For instance, politicians they care about people only in times of election or for campaigns. After that, they don’t care about public infrastructure, health, education funds which can benefit lot of people. All the budgets which were allocated to public amenities may get ended up with them or in terms of corruption. Changes must be brought in the thought process of celebrities to turn them into a magnanimous human beings that can contribute not only for the welfare of the people but also in development and growth of the nation. Strict rules must be introduced in constitution to penalise them, if done against the principles. Although, all celebrities are not same of one kind. They help to people in all aspects such as education of children, environmental concerns, supportive matters. For example, India faced dearth of water where many celebrities contributed their support and helped people. Leonardo Di Caprio responded to that environmental issue in India. If personalities as such extend their vote, it saves people from trouble-some situations, people gets more hope and courage to face challenges. It also indicates message to all over globe that public does include not only of general category but famous VIP as well. To conclude, I believe celebrities earn large sums of cash, have hifi lifestyle and care too little about public but they do have a sense of responsibility to be taken care of the public in challenging situations, if required.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Celebrities
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
fame in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that they earn huge amount, have luxurious life and have less generosity, while others disagree. While I disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
doesn’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that they have high status with high
Possible spelling mistake found.
renumeration
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities have huge amount,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, maintains status
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "don’t"
doesn’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
much about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
in few cases.
For instance
, politicians they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
in times of election or for campaigns. After that, they don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
infrastructure, health, education funds which can benefit
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. All the budgets which
were allocated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
amenities may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ended up with them or in terms of corruption.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Changes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be brought
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
to turn them into a magnanimous human
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "being"?
beings
that can contribute not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
for the welfare of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in development and growth of the nation. Strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be introduced
in constitution to
Possible spelling mistake. 'penalise' is British English.
penalise
them, if done against the principles.

“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are not same of one kind. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in all aspects such as education of children, environmental concerns, supportive matters.
For example
, India faced dearth of water where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
contributed their support and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Leonardo Di
Possible spelling mistake found.
Caprio
responded to that environmental issue in India. If personalities as such extend their vote, it saves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from trouble-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
gets
more hope and courage to face challenges. It
also
indicates message to all over globe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
does include not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
of general category
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
VIP
as well
.

To conclude
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
earn large sums of cash, have
Possible spelling mistake found.
hifi
lifestyle and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do have a sense of responsibility to
be taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
in challenging situations, if required.

IELTS essay Celebrities such as singers and film stars earn too much money, buy too many goods and care too little about other people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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