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Causes and solutions of drinking a lot of soft drinks.

Causes and solutions of drinking a lot of soft drinks. 96JRj
In today’s society, soft drinks are produced in many countries around the world, so they give the world economy a remarkable growth. In addition to the global economic benefit, It is also a cause of the diabetes because of the increasing consumption of soft drinks. A major cause of diabetes is drinking a variety of sugary drinks. There are two main reasons why we drink too much soft drinks. Firstly, it has been suggested that drinking a lot of fresh water is caused by addictive substances present in fresh water, but in fact, the first cause of it was advertising products by freshwater companies that wanted to be profitable and did not care about the health of their customers. They hire designers to make eye-catching commercials to engage and sell all their products in order to attract customers to use their products. It was obvious that the more easy-going customers would listen to their words and drink more fresh water. On the other hand, bad and poorly developed education is also responsible for the heavy drinking of freshwater. In most schools, they are only interested in knowledge, science, literature, geography, etc. They didn’t care about giving teenagers social knowledge, which is essential to them being out there. It makes them aware that doing so is harmful in general and that drinking too much freshwater is harmful in particular. They become addicted to their sweet tastes and over-drink them, so they will be drinking fresh water instead of water. That makes them fat and puts them at risk of obesity, and especially diabetes as they grow up. There are many methods to solve the problem of drinking plenty of soft drinks. First, I believe that if freshwater companies make fewer products and don’t advertise fresh water, especially don’t give those good-looking ads to teenagers. So we need to work together to do that. The government should strongly tax the companies that produce soft drinks, from which point on, product prices will rise considerably and people will think about it carefully before buying it. Secondly, TV should put ads about social issues, especially health, so that people avoid. Third, education should be developed to teach young people about social knowledge, especially health knowledge. Not only at school but also at home, parents need to care for their children and not allow them to drink too many soft drinks. In short, there are many causes for drinking too many soft drinks, such as toxic advertising, poorly developed education, and drugs found in it. However, overcoming the situation is not too difficult. As long as we take steps to remedy it, this situation will drastically reduce.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society,
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soft
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drinks
are produced
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries around the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they give the world economy a remarkable growth.
In addition
to the global economic benefit, It is
also
a
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cause
of the diabetes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the increasing consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
. A major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of diabetes is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinking
a variety of sugary drinks.

There are two main reasons why we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
.
Firstly
, it has
been suggested
that
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drinking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is caused
by addictive substances present in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in fact, the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of it was advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
by freshwater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that wanted to be profitable and did not care about the health of their customers. They hire designers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
eye-catching commercials to engage and sell all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in order to attract customers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. It was obvious that the more easy-going customers would listen to their words and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
and
poorly
developed education is
also
responsible for the heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinking
of freshwater. In most schools, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
, science, literature, geography, etc. They didn’t care about giving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
, which is essential to them being out there. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them aware that doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
is harmful
in general
and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinking
too much freshwater is harmful
in particular
. They become addicted to their sweet tastes and over-drink them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
. That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and puts them at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of obesity, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
especially
diabetes as they grow up.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
methods to solve the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
.
First
, I believe that if freshwater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and don’t advertise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
especially
don’t give those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
-looking ads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we need to work together to do that. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
strongly
tax the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
, from which point on,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
prices will rise
considerably
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about it
carefully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
buying it.
Secondly
, TV should put ads about social issues,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
especially
health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
avoid. Third, education should
be developed
to teach young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
especially
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
at home, parents need to care for their children and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
drinks.

In short, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinking
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
, such as toxic advertising,
poorly
developed education, and drugs found in it.
However
, overcoming the situation is not too difficult. As long as we take steps to remedy it, this situation will
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.
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IELTS essay Causes and solutions of drinking a lot of soft drinks.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
442 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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