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Can advantages of cars outright the disadvantages?

Can advantages of cars outright the disadvantages? YLRgB
The uses of cars, nowadays, are obvious for the people to entertain hassle free smooth movement. While there are lots of disadvantages in the use of personal vehicle, I strongly believe that it’s extended advantages outright the demerits. Global temperature and environmental air pollution have been increased significantly. The reason is that the extensive uses of personal autos lead to the emission of substances which contaminates the air, and also causes traffic jams and accidents. As a result, the world temperature is likely to rocketing substantially. Moreover, it causes air pollution. Secondly, peoples’ dependence on cars can influence them to decrease some physical activities like walking and cycling. People may have a higher chance to fall into greater health risks, like obesity and heart attack. On the other hand, there are lots of reasons to use private cars. Firstly, in this inevitable fast communication era, it’s mandatory to move in the fastest way without being delayed. Personal car facilitates this benefit other than any form of vehicles. For instance, one can move easily from one destination to another without wasting any time waiting for bus or train. Therefore, time and distance are no barriers anymore. Secondly, personal cars can give comfort which no other form of transport can give. In addition, while public transports are so crowded and disgusting, in personal vehicle one can read books and newspapers, listen to music or even can play with kids. Finally, it's never needed to say that how convenient it is for the elderly, the disabled or even the sick members of the families. In conclusion, having a car can lead to a few obvious problems, but I believe that owning a car is the best choice and the benefits that it brings about can outshine its drawbacks.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uses
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, nowadays, are obvious for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to entertain hassle free smooth movement. While there are lots of disadvantages in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
vehicle, I
strongly
believe that it’s extended advantages outright the demerits.

Global temperature and environmental air pollution have
been increased
significantly
. The reason is that the extensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uses
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
autos lead to the emission of substances which contaminates the air, and
also
causes traffic jams and accidents.
As a result
, the world temperature is likely to rocketing
substantially
.
Moreover
, it causes air pollution.
Secondly
, peoples’ dependence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
can influence them to decrease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical activities like walking and cycling.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
may have a higher chance to fall into greater health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
, like obesity and heart attack.

On the other hand
, there are lots of reasons to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
use
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
Firstly
, in this inevitable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
communication era, it’s mandatory to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
in the fastest way without
being delayed
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
facilitates this benefit other than any form of vehicles.
For instance
, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
easily
from one destination to another without wasting any time waiting for bus or train.
Therefore
, time and distance are no barriers anymore.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
can give comfort which no other form of transport can give.
In addition
, while public transports are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
crowded and disgusting, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
vehicle one can read books and newspapers, listen to music or even can play with kids.
Finally
, it's never needed to say that how convenient it is for the elderly, the disabled or even the sick members of the families.

In conclusion
, having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
can lead to a few obvious problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that owning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
is the best choice and the benefits that it brings about can outshine its drawbacks.

IELTS essay Can advantages of cars outright the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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