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bla bla bla bla bla blabla bla blabla bla blabla bla blabla bla blabla bla blabla bla blabla bla bla v.1

bla bla bla bla bla blabla bla blabla bla blabla bla blabla bla blabla bla blabla bla blabla bla bla v. 1
It is sometimes argued that technological advancements have detrimental effects on our customs. In my opinion, technology does not hamper traditions but rather supports to retain its values. New developments are not problematic for our cultures because of the following reasons. Firstly, technologies are invented for our betterment. People use new devices and gadgets for our convenience and making our life easier, therefore, it has nothing to do with our beliefs and values. For instance, using a vacuum cleaner instead of brooms will not make us less traditional. Secondly, the latest technology has enabled humans to be more connected than ever before. Modern apps such as Facebook and Instagram and state-of-the-art mobile phones have made families possible to connect with each other anywhere anytime instantly. This, in fact, is a positive development as people can still follow and perform or witness their rituals and customs via video calls even when away from home. For instance, my mother usually performs my birthday rituals in the traditional way via Skype video chat. With this obvious reason, I would say that technology has enabled us to retain and maintain our cultures and traditions not only from our nations but also from foreign countries. Conversely, there are some negative effects of technology which I would like to outline. Even though technology has brought us together with 24-hour connectivity, it has isolated us at the same time. People are lost in the world of their smartphones and tend to engage in themselves even in social gatherings. Similarly, more children are enjoying indoor activities such as video games and seem to enjoy much of their leisure time playing inside their rooms. However, these are only some dark sides of the story and are inevitable at any circumstances. In conclusion, it appears to me that even though there are some negative aspects of new technological developments, I would say that there are more positives. If used properly and wisely, definitely technology can go in parallel with our traditions without damaging it.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that technological advancements have detrimental effects on our customs. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
does not hamper traditions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rather
supports to retain its values.

New developments are not problematic for our cultures
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the following reasons.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
are invented
for our betterment.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
new devices and gadgets for our convenience and making our life easier,
therefore
, it has nothing to do with our beliefs and values.
For instance
, using a vacuum cleaner
instead
of brooms will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us less traditional.
Secondly
, the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has enabled humans to be more connected than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Modern apps such as Facebook and Instagram and state-of-the-art mobile phones have made families possible to connect with each other anywhere anytime
instantly
. This, in fact, is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
still
follow and perform or witness their rituals and customs via video calls even when away from home.
For instance
, my mother
usually
performs my birthday rituals in the traditional way via Skype video chat. With this obvious reason, I would say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has enabled us to retain and maintain our cultures and traditions not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
from our nations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
from foreign countries.

Conversely
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
which I would like to outline.
Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has brought us together with 24-hour connectivity, it has isolated us at the same time.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are lost
in the world of their smartphones and tend to engage in themselves even in social gatherings.
Similarly
, more children are enjoying indoor activities such as video games and seem to enjoy much of their leisure time playing inside their rooms.
However
, these are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dark sides of the story and are inevitable at any circumstances.

In conclusion
, it appears to me that
even though
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of new technological developments, I would say that there are more positives. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
properly
and
wisely
, definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can go in parallel with our traditions without damaging it.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay bla bla bla bla bla blabla bla blabla bla blabla bla blabla bla blabla bla blabla bla blabla bla bla v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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