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Big Salary or satisfaction

Big Salary or satisfaction o8D8b
There is discussion about this issue that higher salary can bring happiness or it is more important to be satisfied on our career. I totally disagree that pay rise has an essential roll to make a perfect life. Basically, we need money for our firstly requirement such as food, health care, home and also other activity as going holiday vacation, trip, university etc. However, it is not the main reason to work. Obviously, every worker is being paid wage according to kind of task, capacity, responsibilities and his knowledge, so anyway there is an income which can cover such charges. But, it had better to satisfy and enjoy what you are doing which will surely cause improvement in any field of your future. Moreover, The main reason of my insist that huge salary is not main factor to work is due to some unwanted pressure and stress which are very dangerous for our healthy. Basically, we see many people are suffering from unknown disease which probably are because of hard working. They will have no choice but to quit working very soon in the future. From the other sides, the companies prefer to absorb motivated, energetic and happy employees while they are pleased and enjoy working in order to get extremely effective result. Therefore, I conclude the most essential aspects of working is satisfaction and huge income will not roll as major reason at all. We have to work according to our characteristic and our interest to reach the ideal outcome.
There is discussion about this issue that higher salary can bring happiness or it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
be satisfied
on our career. I
totally
disagree that pay rise has an essential roll to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a perfect life.
Basically
, we need money for our
firstly
requirement such as food, health care, home and
also
other activity as going holiday vacation, trip, university etc.
However
, it is not the main reason to work.
Obviously
, every worker is
being paid
wage according to kind of task, capacity, responsibilities and his knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
anyway there is an income which can cover such charges.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it had better to satisfy and enjoy what you are doing which will
surely
cause improvement in any field of your future.

Moreover
, The main reason of my insist that huge salary is not main factor to work is due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unwanted pressure and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for our healthy.
Basically
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are suffering from unknown disease which
probably
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
. They will have no choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to quit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
in the future. From the other sides, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
prefer to absorb motivated, energetic and happy employees while they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
and enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in order to
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
get


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
extremely
effective result.

Therefore
, I conclude the most essential aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
is satisfaction and huge

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
income
will not roll as major reason at all. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work according to our characteristic and our interest to reach the ideal outcome.
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IELTS essay Big Salary or satisfaction

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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