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Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction.Do you agree or disagree ?

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. ONjN
It has been stated that a high income from a job is more significant than a fulfilling one. I completely disagree with this statement because a fulfilled job can lead to a happy life as well as professional growth. First of all, I believe that job satisfaction gives people a sense of happiness that no money can guarantee. In other words, if people are earning a high salary but feel tensed and constantly complain about the work, they will lose happiness overall from their lives. While following job close to their hearts will always bring pleasure and a sense of fulfillment. For example, medical practitioners have made their career choices because they were passionate about caring for the ill and injured people, and this gesture gives them contentment and happiness. Secondly, following your interests can keep you motivated and therefore leads to career growth. This is to say that there is a strong relation between fulfilled job and productivity. This has been seen where people who like their jobs have excelled in their professions and got better results than others, who put a high salary on priority. For instance, we have read about people who, before becoming famous writers and musicians, worked in high paying jobs but left to follow their hearts. Their hard work and endurance bore fruitful results when they became popular with a big fan following. In conclusion, I strongly believe that job satisfaction is more advantageous than a high salary because it makes people happy and motivated.
It has
been stated
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
income from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is more significant than a fulfilling one. I completely disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a fulfilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can lead to a happy life
as well
as professional growth.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a sense of happiness that no money can guarantee.
In other words
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are earning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
feel tensed and
constantly
complain about the work, they will lose happiness
overall
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. While following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
close to their hearts will always bring pleasure and a sense of fulfillment.
For example
, medical practitioners have made their career choices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they were passionate about caring for the ill and injured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and this gesture gives them contentment and happiness.

Secondly
, following your interests can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
you motivated and
therefore
leads to career growth. This is to say that there is a strong relation between fulfilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and productivity. This has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who like their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
have excelled in their professions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
better results than others, who put a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary on priority.
For instance
, we have read about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
becoming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
writers and musicians, worked in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to follow their hearts. Their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and endurance bore fruitful results when they became popular with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
fan following.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction is more advantageous than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happy and motivated.
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IELTS essay Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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