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Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction 56BRQ
High salary is of prime importance in choosing a job, as it will hep to fulfill the needs and live a luxurious life, but job satisfaction will lead to productivity of work and maintain a healthy lifestyle. I disagree, that big salary is important than job satisfaction. "Money is root cause of all evil". When high pay scale is offered by employer's, along with it more responsibilities and targets needs to be achieved. As a result, work pressure is developed because of which, the employee will have to work late during day hours, as well as, nights. Thereby, family relations are disrupted, as they will not be able to spend time together. On the other hand, health is affected, due to increased workload and stress, as they will lack physical exercise and relaxation. Bank balance will increase, but there will be no time to spend the money that is earned. Job satisfaction plays a very important role in an individual life, when people are happy with their work, they work efficiently and without any force. The atmosphere at workplace becomes very pleasant, as well as, they achieve their goal with high success rate since they are in the area of their interest. The relationship with family and colleagues remains good, as a reason, life becomes more easier and happier. Some people think, big salary is important to live in this competitive world, where things are very expensive. For example, sending children to a good school requires parents to pay high fees which can be possible only when income is high. Increase in bank balance will also improve the status in society as people will respect for the position owned by individuals. However, I think, self-satisfaction is very essential to live in this stressful world, when we are satisfied with the work we do, automatically success, position and money is achieved, as well as, healthy relations are developed at workplace and family. In conclusion, money is not everything it only worsens our life, but when we are satisfied we make everyone around us happy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
High
salary is of prime importance in choosing a job, as it will
Did you mean "help" or "hip" ("hep" is old-fashioned for "hip")?
hep
to fulfill the needs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
job satisfaction will lead to productivity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and maintain a healthy lifestyle. I disagree, that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
salary is
Use "(important)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
important
than job satisfaction.

Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Money is root cause of all evil
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
pay scale
is offered
by employer's, along with it more responsibilities and targets needs to
be achieved
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure
is developed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which, the employee will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
late during day hours,
as well
as, nights. Thereby, family relations
are disrupted
, as they will not be able to spend time together.
On the other hand
, health is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
, due to increased workload and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, as they will lack physical exercise and relaxation. Bank balance will increase,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there will be no time to spend the money that
is earned
.

Job satisfaction plays a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in an individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are happy with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efficiently
and without any force. The atmosphere at workplace becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
pleasant,
as well
as, they achieve their goal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
success rate since they are in the area of their interest. The relationship with family and colleagues remains
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, as a reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
becomes
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
and happier.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
salary is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in this competitive world, where things are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive.
For example
, sending children to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
school requires parents to pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
fees which can be possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when income is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
. Increase in bank balance will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the status in society as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will respect for the position
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by individuals.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, self-satisfaction is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in this stressful world, when we
are satisfied
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
we do,
automatically
success, position and money
is achieved
,
as well
as, healthy relations
are developed
at workplace and family.

In conclusion
, money is not everything it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
worsens our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when we
are satisfied
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
everyone around us happy.
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IELTS essay Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
343 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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