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The growing influence and access to platforms such as Twitter, Facebook etc. has had a negative impact on the individual and society. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

The growing influence and access to platforms such as Twitter, Facebook etc. has had a negative impact on the individual and society. D0B7
Over recent years social networking sites like Facebook, Instagram changed the way of interaction and this negatively affects both person and society. I totally agree with this statement, because media may lead to health and developmental problems and might cause addiction. The main reason why social networks have a detrimental effect on people and society is health and improvement problems associated with overusing modern advancements. In other words, extended screen time reduces not only physical activity but also face-to-face social interaction. To compare with people in the past who more likely took up an active hobby such as painting, learning a musical instrument, and playing a sport. Today people, especially teenagers, prefer a sedentary lifestyle which in turn leads to obesity and a negative impact on overall development. To illustrate, recent studies of MSU have shown that people, who lead an inactive lifestyle are 80% more likely to have health problems. Yet another reason connected with social media impact on humanity. Even habitual viewing and gaming can have adverse effects on networking sites. To put it differently, the majority of teens posting their pictures or feelings, eagerly wait for likes and positive comments from friends. This activates the brain reward system and increases the level of dopamine that is the happiness hormone. As a result, these conditions can cause addiction to social media in the long run. For instance, after having carried out research, scientists from UzNU have established that overuse of social networking sites might cause stimulation that is the same as other addictive behaviors. Taking into consideration all mentioned above, I am firmly convinced that social platforms have a significant influence on both individuals and society. It also may increase health and developmental concerns and cause addiction in long run.
Over recent years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites like Facebook, Instagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way of interaction and this
negatively
affects both person and society. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
media may lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and developmental problems and might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
addiction.

The main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks have a detrimental effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and society is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and improvement problems associated with overusing modern advancements.
In other words
, extended screen time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
physical activity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
face-to-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interaction. To compare with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the past
Did you mean "whom"?
who
more likely took up an active hobby such as painting, learning a musical instrument, and playing a sport.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, prefer a sedentary lifestyle which in turn leads to obesity and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
overall
development. To illustrate, recent studies of MSU have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who lead an inactive lifestyle are 80% more likely to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems.

Yet
another reason connected with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media impact on humanity. Even habitual viewing and gaming can have adverse effects on networking sites. To put it
differently
, the majority of teens posting their pictures or feelings,
eagerly
wait for likes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
comments from friends. This activates the brain reward system and increases the level of dopamine
that is
the happiness hormone.
As a result
, these conditions can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
addiction to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media in the long run.
For instance
, after having carried out research, scientists from
Possible spelling mistake found.
UzNU
have established that overuse of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
stimulation
that is
the same as other addictive behaviors.

Taking into consideration all mentioned above, I am
firmly
convinced that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
platforms have a significant influence on both individuals and society. It
also
may increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and developmental concerns and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
addiction in long run.
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IELTS essay The growing influence and access to platforms such as Twitter, Facebook etc. has had a negative impact on the individual and society.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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