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being a celebrity- such as a famous film star or a sports person, brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

being a celebrity- such as a famous film star or a sports person, brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? LrlO1
It is commonly known that once in a spotlight, forever on cameras. This very situation can be faced by all the celebrities right from sports persons to film stars. Some people love the life that celebrities live as they are always looked after nicely, and admired a lot. In my opinion, how much ever a celebrity is loved, being a celebrated person becomes problematic in one’s life sooner or later. A life with stardom usually begins with one being famous in one’s field. In India, it mostly happens in film industry and in a famous sport- cricket. Being a celebrity, gives them a power to guide a mass of people their way. Their presence becomes privilege for their fans and their lifestyle becomes the latest trend amongst the youth. Recently Virat Kohli, a famous cricketer, was seen with beard at various matches, next we could see men with beard at every junction of a street. Although loved and followed by many, these stars take a lot of troll from their fans. Recently, most loved actor, Aamir Khan was badly trolled by his fans upon making a lewd remark about his safety in India. The Indian cricket team has to face a vigorous backlash if at all it loses an important game. This hampers the mental composure of a player to an infinite level. They might slip into depression if they cannot manage their fans. Finally, Privacy is a far-fetched dream for any of the person who shares a spotlight. E. g the love affairs, break-ups as well as pregnancies of most of them become a talk of the town creating a disturbance in their personal lives. All in all, becoming a celebrity might have its own fun but eventually, it becomes a nuisance in one’s life.
It is
commonly
known that once in a spotlight, forever on cameras. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
situation can
be faced
by all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
right from sports persons to film stars.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
as they are always looked after
nicely
, and admired a lot. In my opinion, how much ever a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
, being a celebrated person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
problematic in one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
sooner or later.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with stardom
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
with one being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in one’s field. In India, it
mostly
happens in film industry and in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
sport- cricket. Being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
, gives them a power to guide a mass of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
their way. Their presence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
privilege for their fans and their lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
the latest trend amongst the youth. Recently
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kohli
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
cricketer, was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
with beard at various matches,
next
we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
with beard at every junction of a street.

Although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
and followed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, these stars take
Possible agreement error. The noun troll seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of trolls".
a lot of troll
from their fans. Recently, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
actor,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Aamir
Khan was
badly
trolled by his fans upon making a lewd remark about his safety in India. The Indian cricket team
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
face a vigorous backlash if at all it loses an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
game. This hampers the mental composure of a player to an infinite level. They might slip into depression if they cannot manage their fans.

Finally
, Privacy is a far-fetched dream for any of the person who shares a spotlight. E. g the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
affairs, break-ups
as well
as pregnancies of most of them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a talk of the town creating a disturbance in their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

All in all, becoming a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
might have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
fun
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
eventually
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
a nuisance in one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay being a celebrity- such as a famous film star or a sports person, brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
296 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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