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Attending a live performence is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Attending a live performence is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. PX5dj
Being the part of actual function is more entertainment rathe than enjoying the same program on the television at home. I fully agree with the given notion. In further essay I will highlight some reasons for this. To commence with, the atmosphere in a live event is definetlty exiting. Many people are shouting and clapping and this environment would lead participants to forget their tension and problems and enjoy the time. For instance, a person participating in a concert with a mind filled with life's problems would foreget all difficulties while that person is among many other people and leaving home. In addition, to create memories and do experiences, participating in livve performances could be more effective and enjoyable. For example, one can attend concert with friends and take photographs which would be an amazing way to remind memories. There are many people that one can make friends with them who are similar in interests. Moreover, attending a live performence is not a daily activity, it may happend once in year. Attended people from different cities and states too. In conclusion, in my opinion, watching event on TV in comfort zone is more convenient way, although, live programs are best way to enjoy. Also making friends, getting experienced and enjoying being among the crowd are make them interesting.
Being the part of actual function is more entertainment
Possible spelling mistake found.
rathe
than enjoying the same program on the television at home. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
notion. In
further
essay I will highlight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for this.

To commence with, the atmosphere in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
definetlty
exiting.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are shouting and clapping and this environment would lead participants to forget their tension and problems and enjoy the time.
For instance
, a person participating in a concert with a mind filled with life's problems would
Possible spelling mistake found.
foreget
all difficulties while that person is among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and leaving home.

In addition
, to create memories and do experiences, participating in
Possible spelling mistake found.
livve
performances could be more effective and enjoyable.
For example
, one can attend concert with friends and take photographs which would be an amazing way to remind memories. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends with them who are similar in interests.
Moreover
, attending a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
Possible spelling mistake found.
performence
is not a daily activity, it may
Possible spelling mistake found.
happend
once in year. Attended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cities and states too.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, watching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
on TV in comfort zone is more convenient way, although,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
programs
A determiner is probably missing here: "are the best".
are best
way to enjoy.
Also
making friends, getting experienced and enjoying being among the crowd are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them interesting.

IELTS essay Attending a live performence is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
218 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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