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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people p3ra
Due to a multitude of factors, certain countries have a disproportionate amount of young adults compared to senior citizens. This essay will discuss for which reasons this is an advantageous situation, while it may possess its own drawbacks. There are a great number of benefits to having a large amount of young adults. Since, more people will be available to work, this will in turn increase the competitiveness of a country, and boost its economy. For example, in recent times there is an larger proportion of elderly in many developed countries than young people, such countries must then rely on immigration and foreign workers in order to sustain their way of living, taking care of the seniors and filling jobs left vacant. Meanwhile, countries with younger populations may thrive, as this need is not present, so they may focus on other issues and thus propel themselves further ahead compared to those with an increased amount of elderly. Whereas, despite having positives aspects a having more young may have its disadvantages. Because of the comparative lack of older citizens there may be a certain lack of knowledge in certain fields, where experience has no substitute, thus resulting in not enough proper guidance and education for some areas. For instance, the country of Nigeria, which is forced to employ engineers from overseas in order to provide the knowledge needed for the completion of certain more intricate, but essential projects. As such in various situations, having a number of more experienced workers can be beneficial in certain fields. To conclude, even though there are more advantages compared to the disadvantages in having a increased amount of young adults, a healthy mix of all generations is essential to provide an optimal outcome for all.
Due to a multitude of factors,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have a disproportionate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults compared to senior citizens. This essay will discuss for which reasons this is an advantageous situation, while it may possess its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
drawbacks.

There are a great number of benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults. Since, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be available to work, this will in turn increase the competitiveness of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, and boost its economy.
For example
, in recent times there is
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
larger proportion of elderly in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
then rely on immigration and foreign workers in order to sustain their way of living, taking care of the seniors and filling jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
vacant. Meanwhile,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with younger populations may thrive, as this need is not present,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they may focus on other issues and
thus
propel themselves
further
ahead compared to those with an increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of elderly.

“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
positives aspects a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
may have its disadvantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the comparative lack of older citizens there may be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
lack of knowledge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
fields, where experience has no substitute,
thus
resulting in not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
proper guidance and education for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
of Nigeria, which
is forced
to employ engineers from overseas in order to provide the knowledge needed for the completion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
more intricate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
essential projects. As such in various situations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a number of more experienced workers can be beneficial in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
fields.

To conclude
,
even though
there are more advantages compared to the disadvantages in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults, a healthy mix of all generations is essential to provide an optimal outcome for all.
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IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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