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At present, the population of some countries includes a relatively large amount number of young adults, compared with number of old people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

At present, the population of some countries includes a relatively large amount number of young adults, compared with number of old people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? eBDO
As the years go on, our population starts to increase daily, and our younger generation starts to increase as well. In this essay, I will talk about why it is more sufficient for the population and economy to have a younger generation than older. Firstly, as the population starts to escalate, there is more demand for work. So, this demand needs to be supplied with. And with younger adults, more works can be sufficed. Most workers at the age of 20-45 can both work harder and are more efficient, and they can work for longer hours than possible. The other advantage is that some jobs need hard work and cannot use older adults. Although, People at the age of 50-65 usually work about 3-4 hours and cannot get much work. For some certain jobs that need experience over hard work, it is more sufficient to use the older generation. As they can get the job done (slower rate) but with experience, they can do the job perfectly. Third of all, it mostly depends on our job that’s is given. For example: (mechanical workers, doctors, scientists, criminal justice, etc. ) are usually put up by the younger generation. In my opinion, its best for the younger generation should do most of the work, and the reason is that they can both learn and understand their work, And take over all the work so it can be done in a more probable way. In conclusion, the advantages of the younger generation outweigh the older generation in some aspects. Depending on their age you can tell how much work can be done and if it'll be efficient. But also, some other jobs are better to be done by the older generation (their experience). Although some jobs are done by both generations, it is more suffice for the younger adults to most of the work.
As the years go on, our population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to increase daily, and our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to increase
as well
. In this essay, I will talk about why it is more sufficient for the population and economy to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation than older.

Firstly
, as the population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to escalate, there is more demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this demand needs to
be supplied
with. And with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
adults, more works can
be sufficed
. Most workers at the age of 20-45 can both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder and are more efficient, and they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for longer hours than possible. The other advantage is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
adults.

Although,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
at the age of 50-65
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
about 3-4 hours and cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that need experience over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, it is more sufficient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation. As they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
done (slower rate)
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with experience, they can do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
perfectly
.

Third of all, it
mostly
depends on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
Did you mean "that is"?
that’s is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.
For example
: (mechanical workers, doctors, scientists, criminal justice, etc.
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
are
usually
put up by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation. In my opinion, its best for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation should do most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, and the reason is that they can both learn and understand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, And take over all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it can
be done
in a more probable way.

In conclusion
, the advantages of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects. Depending on their age you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can
be done
and if it'll be efficient.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are better to
be done
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation (their experience). Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are done
by both generations, it is more suffice for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
adults to most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
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IELTS essay At present, the population of some countries includes a relatively large amount number of young adults, compared with number of old people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
311 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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