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Asking children to work in small groups is the best way to teach young children Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.1

Asking children to work in small groups is the best way to teach young children Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 1
Tourism plays a significant role in the development of the country's economy and providing job opportunities to locals. However, there are certain drawbacks such as culture clash and environmental pollution. I disagree, with the statement as it has a lot of advantages over its drawbacks. There are two main primary reasons for tourism must be promoted. Firstly, it provides revenue to the country when tourists travel from one place to another, they tend to spend on leisure activities, food, and hospitality which keeps the revenue flowing from one hand to another as it is a good sign to the nation. Secondly, it provides job opportunities to residents such as taxi drivers, tourist guides, salesman and waiters in restaurants. Thirdly, new firms and organizations have been investing in building hotels. For an instant, an article in Times of Goa showed a drastic increase from 5 lakh hotels in 2016 to 8 lakh in 2019. Although there are benefits of tourism, it causes tension among locals as they believe that foreign culture might harm their tradition and culture ethics hence youngsters might adopt those changes. Moreover, a tourist at times wear clothes which are not appropriate to wear at temples and mosque. Lastly, because of over-tourism that causes a lot of harm to the environment as tourists tend to pollute the place with plastic which harms animals and aquatic fishes living in the water. For example, a tourist who visits Goa litter the beautiful beaches by throwing plastic and glass bottles on road. In conclusion, It causes a lot of harm, yet advantages cannot be overlooked. Some steps could be taken to protect, such as holidays travels must respect the place by wearing proper clothes in religious places and historic places also government must warn people by having rules and regulations by charging fines to people, as a result, it reduces the pollution
Tourism plays a significant role in the development of the country's economy and providing job opportunities to locals.
However
, there are certain drawbacks such as culture clash and environmental pollution. I disagree, with the statement as it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages over its drawbacks.

There are two main primary reasons for tourism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be promoted
.
Firstly
, it provides revenue to the country when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
travel from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to another, they tend to spend on leisure activities, food, and hospitality which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the revenue flowing from one hand to another as it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
to the nation.
Secondly
, it provides job opportunities to residents such as taxi drivers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
guides, salesman and waiters in restaurants.
Thirdly
, new firms and organizations have been investing in building hotels. For an instant, an article in Times of Goa
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a drastic increase from 5 lakh hotels in 2016 to 8
Possible agreement error. The noun 'lakh' seems to be countable, so consider using: "lakhs".
lakh
in 2019.

Although there are benefits of tourism, it causes tension among locals as they believe that foreign culture might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harm
their tradition and culture ethics
hence
youngsters might adopt those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
Moreover
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
at times wear clothes which are not appropriate to wear at temples and mosque.
Lastly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of over-tourism that causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harm
to the environment as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
tend to pollute the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
with plastic which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harms
animals and aquatic fishes living in the water.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
who visits Goa litter the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
beaches by throwing plastic and glass bottles on road.

In conclusion
, It causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harm
,
yet
advantages cannot
be overlooked
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
steps could
be taken
to protect, such as holidays travels
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
respect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
by wearing proper clothes in religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
warn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations by charging fines to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
as a result
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
pollution
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Asking children to work in small groups is the best way to teach young children Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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