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As-well-as-making-money-businesses-also-have-social-responsibilities. To what extent do you agree.

As-well-as-making-money-businesses-also-have-social-responsibilities. 73OEn
It is undeniable that making money is one of the most crucial priority for businesses. However, social responsibilities is also an important priority. It should not be taken lightly by companies because it is more important than simply making profit. I agree that businesses need to do more for the society than just making money. On the one hand, it is reasonable that businesses have to make money so as to maintain the development of companies. A company must earn income from different sources so that it can pay for its employees and the payments for the building and the utilities. If a company can’t pay its bills or fulfill the customers needs, it will easily go bankrupt. Moreover, the owner of the company can earn a great amount of cash in order to fulfill the owner’s desires. For example, Elon Musk used his company dough to work on a project that might change humanity. On the other hand, although making money is crucial to businesses, companies should prioritize the community needs. If a company can contribute the cash for the people who are in need then various people will like that company. To demonstrate this strategy, Bill Gates used money from his corporation to give free vaccines to people all over the world who don’t have enough cash. Furthermore, a business can increase its reputation by donating money to protect the environment. For instance, if a company donate money to help preserve rare animals then that company will become well-known and many people will want to support that company. In conclusion, I believe companies should rather focus on taking responsibilities for the society than to make lots of money. Also, I wish that every company from around the world would contribute profits for the poor and for the children who have lost their homes so that there will be no poverty.
It is undeniable that making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is one of the most crucial priority for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
.
However
, social responsibilities is
also
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
priority. It should not
be taken
lightly
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
simply
making profit. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to do more for the society than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
making money.

On the one hand, it is reasonable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
maintain the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
earn income from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sources
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it can pay for its employees and the payments for the building and the utilities. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can’t pay its bills or fulfill the customers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
, it will
easily
go bankrupt.
Moreover
, the owner of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can earn a great amount of cash in order to fulfill the owner’s desires.
For example
, Elon Musk
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
dough to work on a project that might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
humanity.

On the other hand
, although making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is crucial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should prioritize the community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can contribute the cash for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
then various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will like that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. To demonstrate this strategy, Bill Gates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from his corporation to give free vaccines to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world who don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
cash.
Furthermore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
can increase its reputation by donating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to protect the environment.
For instance
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
donate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
preserve rare animals then that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
will become well-known and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will want to support that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In conclusion
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should
rather
focus on taking responsibilities for the society than to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Also
, I wish that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
from around the world would contribute profits for the poor and for the children who have lost their homes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that there will be no poverty.
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IELTS essay As-well-as-making-money-businesses-also-have-social-responsibilities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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