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As the world become technologically advanced computers are replacing more and more jobs. Describe some job positions that may be lost because of computers and discuss at least one problem that may result

Unquestionably, technology plays a vital role in our life. More and more jobs are replaced by computers and there are some jobs which may lost owing to computers. I discuss some problems associated with it in the following paragraphs. To commence with, some job positions are affected because of computers. First and foremost is that job of teachers because of smart classes and projectors. To explain, student's parents think that they can easily study from the computer and also students prefer to learn from projectors in interesting way. For example, according to the latest survey conducted by the Reliance foundation that upto 70% of schools use projectors to teach their students about technology, they think thatit would be useful in future. Another job is of postman because in the modern era most people send email to their friends and relatives as compare to send letter through postman because it took a long period of time. Moving further, there are some problems associated with it. First of all, unemployment because computer replaced the individuals. To elaborate, if jobs are done by computers then most of the people become unemployed and it would be difficult for them to earn for their family. Moreover, if they sit free at home without doing any job, so they start to commit crime like robbery and so on. Thus, computer have taken place of human beings and it would increase the number of crime and unemployment among people. To conclude, I reiterate that, as per the above discussion, due to the advancement of technology, computer replaced the jobs of people such as teachers and postman and many more as well as it may increase the number of people who do not have jobs or crime rate is also increased.
Unquestionably
, technology plays a vital role in our life. More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are replaced
by computers and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which may lost owing to computers. I discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems associated with it in the following paragraphs. To commence with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
positions are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of computers.
First
and foremost is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
of teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of smart classes and projectors. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, student's parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they can
easily
study from the computer and
also
students prefer to learn from projectors in interesting way.
For example
, according to the latest survey conducted by the Reliance foundation that
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
70% of schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
projectors to teach their students about technology, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
Possible spelling mistake found.
thatit
would be useful
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is of postman
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in the modern era most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
email to their friends and relatives as compare to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
letter through postman
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it took a long period of time. Moving
further
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems associated with it.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, unemployment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
computer replaced the individuals. To elaborate, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are done
by computers then most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become unemployed and it would be difficult for them to earn for their family.
Moreover
, if they sit free at home without doing any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to commit crime like robbery and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Thus
, computer have taken place of human beings and it would increase the number of crime and unemployment among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
To conclude
, I reiterate that, as per the above discussion, due to the advancement of technology, computer replaced the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as teachers and postman and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
well as it may increase the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
or crime rate is
also
increased.
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IELTS essay As the world become technologically advanced computers are replacing more and more jobs. Describe some job positions that may be lost because of computers and discuss at least one problem that may result

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
293 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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