Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

As major cities are growing, so are their problems. What are the problems for young people who are living in the cities as a result of continuing growth? What can be done to improve the situation?

As major cities are growing, so are their problems. What are the problems for young people who are living in the cities as a result of continuing growth? What can be done to improve the situation? AJRy1
The more urbanisation happens, the more issues big cities may have. City life can be extremely difficult, especially for the youth. This essay will examine some of these problems, and then propose some solutions. One of the main issues is that fact that nowadays, more and more young people are easily affected by social evils. This is because they are not mature and self-discipline enough to avoid yielding temptations such as drug abuse, violence. Therefore, in most case, they don’t have money to meet their bad demands which leads to illegal decisions such as crime, prostitution, etc. The way forward is for the community to launch campaigns to educate and raise awareness of social evils among the young as much as possible. As a consequence, they can resist the temptations of social evils. Another problem is traced to the increasing rate of unemployment. For example, in Ho Chi Minh City, there has been a lot of migration from the towns to the cities in recent years; thus, the youth must try hard to improve their qualification in order to get long-term jobs. What is more, as the competitive working environment puts an enormous strain on them, the quality of life is correspondingly reduced due to stress-related illness and the pressing phenomenon, suicide rate becomes common within the youth. To tackle this issue, the government should develop the economy and investment to create employments. This could hopefully reduce the tension of finding jobs among the youth. Finally, dealing with financial burdens is a painstaking progress, and this is also one of the problems facing the young. That is to say the cost of living in some place is so exorbitant whilst their income slowly rises. Hence, that they cannot cope up with adequate housing, for example. This problem could be addressed by increasing salary for young workers so as to meet their daily demands. To conclude, although there are many challenges of modernized life that the youth have to face, it is undoubtedly possible to start to tackle these issues. Government and the community should take the lead in solving these problems, otherwise city life will deteriorate.
The more
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
happens, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
may have. City
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can be
extremely
difficult,
especially
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
. This essay will examine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, and then propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.

One of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
is that fact that nowadays, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by social evils. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not mature and self-discipline
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to avoid yielding temptations such as drug abuse, violence.
Therefore
, in most case, they don’t have money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
demands which leads to illegal decisions such as crime, prostitution, etc. The way forward is for the community to launch campaigns to educate and raise awareness of social evils among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
as much as possible. As a consequence, they can resist the temptations of social evils.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is traced
to the increasing rate of unemployment.
For example
, in Ho Chi Minh City, there has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
migration from the towns to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in recent years;
thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their qualification in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
long-term jobs.
What is more
, as the competitive working environment puts an enormous strain on them, the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
correspondingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related illness and the pressing phenomenon, suicide rate becomes common within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
. To tackle this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should develop the economy and investment to create employments. This could
hopefully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the tension of finding jobs among the youth.

Finally
, dealing with financial burdens is a painstaking progress, and this is
also
one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
facing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
.
That is
to say the cost of living in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
place is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
exorbitant whilst their income
slowly
rises.
Hence
, that they cannot cope up with adequate housing,
for example
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
could
be addressed
by increasing salary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
workers
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their daily demands.

To conclude
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
challenges of modernized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face, it is
undoubtedly
possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to tackle these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
and the community should take the lead in solving these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
otherwise
city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
will deteriorate.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay As major cities are growing, so are their problems. What are the problems for young people who are living in the cities as a result of continuing growth? What can be done to improve the situation?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
356 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts
  • 6band
    History of English is exciting
    English language has changed a lot from old English to modern English. I agree completely that The History of English is interesting and exciting and the following explains my position. Firstly, it is interesting to know that English has a great evolution from old English to modern English. Old Eng...
  • 6.5band
    English language is exciting
    English language has changed a lot from ancient English to modern English. I agree completely that The past of English is interesting and exciting and the following explains my position. Firstly, it is provocative to know that English has a great evolution from old English to modern English. Mature...
  • 6.5band
    English language has changed a lot.
    from ancient English to modern English. I agree completely that The past of English is interesting and exciting and the following explains my position. Firstly, it is provocative to know that English has a great evolution from old English to modern English. Mature English existed in 450 a. d. Howev...
  • 6band
    A group of individuals thinks there should be free health care for all citizens, but others disagrees.
    In this sophisticated world, health care related topics have become heated debates across the globe. A group of individuals thinks there should be free health care for all citizens, but others disagrees. This essay agrees with the given statement, and will be discussed in detail about importance ...
  • 6band
    Young people today are often reprimanded
    Young people today are often reprimanded by their parents for living a passive lifestyle. In my country, for example, young children in particular are criticized for spending too long interacting with technology rather than being outside playing sports, climbing trees and doing all the other activit...
  • 6.5band
    Compare and contrast between flipped classes and traditional classes
    Recently, the epidemic has become more and more complicated, everyone around the world ought to be affected, this has changed everything, including education. Therefore, in order to ensure the safety of students, the education and training industry has asked schools to switch from traditional learni...