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as compared to the past, children these days spend more of their time leisure time indoors with computers and TV and less time oytdoors. describe some of the problem this lack of outdoors leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution

as compared to the past, children these days spend more of their time leisure time indoors with computers and TV and less time oytdoors. describe some of the problem this lack of outdoors leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution LVDK
This essay argues that nowadays children more tend to fill their spare times with indoor activities like, playing with computers or watching TV, and therefore, spending less time playing outside. This is a very controversial topic and I personally think there are some negative consequences of spending less time outside, yet parents are responsible for taking control of it. Being exposed in society help children to learn real life skills such as playing with other kids, how to interact with other people and in general how to socialize. Additionally, it can reduce rate of obesity in children and other health problems. In my view, there are some major downsides of less outdoor activities for children. Based on health department report from US, one of the leading causes of obesity are spending large amount of time sitting and having very minimal movement during the day. So, in long term it might increase chance of very serious disease like, diabetes. In addition to health problems, scientist believe these days children have become more introvert and prefer to isolate themselves in a room to play with their imaginary player than talk or play with a real person. The main problem with that is children would not learn how to have a simple conversation or socialize easily. I strongly believe we need to have balance in our life to be successful. I assume one of the solutions to this matter are to educate parents to how encourage their children to get involved in more outdoor activities. As an example, they can ask about their children interest and register them in some classes for instance, painting, basketball or any other physical or artistic activities that especially it requires involvement of other people. Thus, it helps children to be more active and learn some important social skills. All in all, I think parents have vital responsibilities about this matter and if they guide their children to include some outside activities during a week then it would be less problematic.
This essay argues that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more tend to fill their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
with indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like, playing with computers or watching TV, and
therefore
, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing outside. This is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
controversial topic and I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
outside,
yet
parents are responsible for taking control of it.
Being exposed
in society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn real life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as playing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
kids, how to interact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
in general
how to socialize.
Additionally
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
rate of obesity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
health problems.

In my view, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major downsides of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Based on health department report from US, one of the leading causes of obesity are spending large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
sitting and having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
minimal movement during the day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in long term it might increase chance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
serious disease like, diabetes.
In addition
to health problems, scientist believe these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have become more introvert and prefer to isolate themselves in a room to play with their imaginary player than talk or play with a real person. The main problem with
that is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would not learn how to have a simple conversation or socialize
easily
.

I
strongly
believe we need to have balance in our life to be successful. I assume one of the solutions to this matter are to educate parents to how encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in more outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. As an example, they can ask about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
interest and register them in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
classes
for instance
, painting, basketball or any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
physical or artistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that
especially
it requires involvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Thus
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be more active and learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

All in all, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
parents have vital responsibilities about this matter and if they guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
during a week then it would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
problematic.
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IELTS essay as compared to the past, children these days spend more of their time leisure time indoors with computers and TV and less time oytdoors. describe some of the problem this lack of outdoors leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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