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artists and muscians should be paid more by the government, to what extent do you agree

artists and muscians should be paid more by the government, to what extent do you agree 70Xek
Despite being one of the non-essential professions, some people argue that musicians and artists should be paid by the government, and resources should be allocated to support them. I totally disagree with the previous opinion for many reasons, as I am going to explain in this essay. One of the main reasons why I believe artists should not be paid by the government is the fact that there are far more important jobs that are essential to life such as doctors and nurses. Despite working for long, stressful hours, healthcare providers are drastically under paid by many standards. Also, the stress that is associated with their line of work causes many mental and health issues that they do not get any compensation for. Another example is policemen and firefighters who risk their life during their duty and are severely underpaid by the government. Another important reason from my point of view is that musicians and artists have good income from their sellings and albums. Musicians are known to make millions of dollars from their concerts and albums, while artists, such as painters, receive high commissions for their paintings. To conclude, I believe there is a significant number of low salary jobs that are necessary for out society, and they should be favored by the government instead of artists.
Despite being one of the non-essential professions,
some
people
argue that musicians and
artists
should
be paid
by the
government
, and resources should
be allocated
to support them. I
totally
disagree with the previous opinion for
many
reasons, as I am going to
explain
in this essay.

One of the main reasons why I believe
artists
should not
be paid
by the
government
is the fact that there are far more
important
jobs that are essential to life such as doctors and nurses. Despite working for long, stressful hours, healthcare providers are
drastically
under paid by
many
standards.
Also
, the
stress
that
is associated
with their line of work causes
many
mental and health issues that they do not
get
any compensation for. Another example is policemen and firefighters who
risk
their
life
during their duty and are
severely
underpaid by the
government
.

Another
important
reason from my point of view is that musicians and
artists
have
good
income from their
sellings
and albums. Musicians
are known
to
make
millions of dollars from their concerts and albums, while
artists
, such as painters, receive high commissions for their paintings.

To conclude
, I believe there is a significant number of low salary jobs that are necessary for out society, and they should
be favored
by the
government
instead
of
artists
.
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IELTS essay artists and muscians should be paid more by the government, to what extent do you agree

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
218 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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