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Around the world more and more people today are living in urban areas. Why is this? What problems does this cause?

Around the world more and more people today are living in urban areas. Why is this? What problems does this cause? kNmK
In today’s society the number of people are increasing in urban areas. This essay will discuss the main causes of urbanization and what problems will arise due to this process. Probably, the main reason of living in cities is that, there are many opportunities in these areas. People migrate to urbans to look for new opportunities. Mostly, people go to cities to find a well-paid jobs, because there is a lack of jobs in rural areas. For example, most of my relativies in village are working in cities and they are going to continue to live there. People need a new challenge and therefore they move to the cities. There are many problems due to the urbanization. Firstly, it is a overpopulation in cities. It leads to a bad quality of life in people. Secondly, because of urbanization rural areas are not developing. All educated people are leaving and consequently these places will only get worse over time. To conclude, looking for new opportunities is reason of process. Increasing of people in urban areas leads to overpopulation and deterioration of life in the villages.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are increasing in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. This essay will discuss the main causes of urbanization and what problems will arise due to this process.

Probably
, the main reason of living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is that, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
migrate to
Possible spelling mistake found.
urbans
to look for new opportunities.
Mostly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to find a well-paid
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "job"?
jobs
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is a lack of jobs in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
For example
, most of my
Possible spelling mistake found.
relativies
in village are working in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cities and
they are going to continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
need a new challenge and
therefore
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the cities.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems due to the urbanization.
Firstly
, it is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
overpopulation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. It leads to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
quality of life in
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people
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of urbanization rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are not developing. All educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are leaving and
consequently
these places will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
worse over time.

To conclude
, looking for new opportunities is reason of process. Increasing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
leads to overpopulation and deterioration of life in the villages.

IELTS essay Around the world more and more people today are living in urban areas. Why is this? What problems does this cause?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
184 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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